How Your Relationship With Food Affects Your Sex Life

2015-02-12

It goes way beyond eating aphrodisiacs.

 BY ANNIE DALY

Of course you know that there are certain aphrodisiacs that can help heat things up in bed. And then there are other foods that don’t exactly make you feel sexy (we’re looking at you, three pieces of cheesy pizza before bed). But what you may not know is that your sultry vibes don’t just stem fromwhat you eat—it stems from how you think about what you’re eating, too. We asked Alexandra Jamieson, author of the new book Women, Food, and Desire: Embrace Your Cravings, Make Peace With Food, and Reclaim Your Body, to explain how your relationship with food—not just the food itself—impacts your sex drive. And it turns out, there’s a way bigger connection than you may think.

Let’s start with this basic fact: How you think about food and how you think about sex are inextricably linked—and that’s because they both have to do with pleasure. And guess what? The pleasure link begins, not surprisingly, in your formative teenage years: “When girls are in their early teens, they start picking up on cultural cues that say they should be dieting, even though they already associate food with pleasure since they’ve been eating for their whole lives,” says Jamieson. “At the same time, young women alsostart becoming aware of the body’s ability for pleasure—but there can be a lot of shame around experiencing that physical pleasure for the first time.” So what happens is that the mixed messages around pleasure and shame become linked from an early age.

Sadly, you don’t “grow out of” the mixed messages as you age. The problem still stands with many women—and it’s rooted in the fact that they stillhave a love/hate relationship with food. “I work with a lot of women who are fighting a constant war with their bodies and with their cravings and have been since their teens,” says Jamieson. “They deprive themselves of calories as a way to feel good about themselves or because they think they should.”  But going back to the pleasure thing, deprivation keeps your body in a constant state of discomfort because you want to feel the pleasure but aren’t letting yourself. And when you feel discomfort with your body, you feel it everywhere, all the time—including in the bedroom. “If you don’t feel that your body deserves pleasure, then you’ll develop a disconnect with it in all areas—and you won’t be able to feel pleasure in the bedroom,” she says.

So what can you do to get over the pleasure disconnect so that you can start enjoying food and sex more?  Hint: This is not a free ride to give into all of your cravings and stuff yourself with cake to improve your sex life. There’s a healthier way to do it, and it’s a lot more nuanced. First, stop rushing your meals, and start savoring your food a lot more. “Smell it, feel it against your lips, inhale the aroma,” says Jamieson. “Slow down, and enjoy it. When your senses are fully present, you’ll feel more pleasure, and, thus, you’ll be sending a signal to your body that it deserves to feel good.” (Learn more about how to eat mindfully.)

Next up: Give in to your cravings with a friend, not alone. “Make a moment of it,” says Jamieson. “Many women give into their cravings in a guilty way, behind closed doors. They want chocolate but think it’s bad, so they just stuff it in their mouths to get it over with. You’re more likely to enjoy it if you’re with someone you love, and when you enjoy it more, you’re less likely to think that cravings are bad.” Then let the great sex commence!

Absurd and Awfully Funny Sex Advice to Steer Clear of

2015-02-03

The internet is a great resource for learning about everything, including human sexuality. That said, there is a lot of absurd and yet awfully funny sex advice to steer clear of and not just from women’s magazines. There are what are thought to be reputable resources that are male oriented and just as ridiculous. For instance, according to Maxim U.K., “Pop your chap in a jar of Nutella, then present it to your lady. Be rewarded with a very enthusiastic blowjob.” Certainly if you get any in the external urethral orifice, or the hole in the head of your penis, you’re going to be screaming in pain, not pleasure. The look on her face when you enter the bedroom in such a manner will be photo worthy, that’s for sure. This next one comes from Men’s Health, “After your workout, reinforce her rising T with a sweaty make-out session: male saliva has 10 to 15 times more testosterone than the female’s does… So prolonged French kissing may give a woman enough of a boost in testosterone to stimulate her interest chemically.” This fact about male saliva is true. But no woman on earth wants a sweaty make-out session. The first thing she’s thinking is “Get in the shower stinky man.” If you force it, the aversion and “ew” factor is enough to ensure you are settling down with a tub of lotion and some tissues for the evening.

Here’s another gem from Men’s Health, first get your hands on a string of her pearls, then “lightly lubricate the pearls and your penis. Have your partner wrap the pearls around the shaft and slowly stroke up and down with a gentle rotation.” What woman in her right mind is going to feel okay with you doing this to her good pearls? Furthermore, she’s probably going to be more worried about cleaning them then clearing your snorkel. Next, from Cheateau Heartiste, “Flirt with other women in front of her. Do not dissuade other women from flirting with you. Women will never admit this but jealousy excites them. The thought of you turning on another woman will arouse her sexually.” This is a good way to get yourself slapped, or have her walk out on you. It is woefully disrespectful to flirt with other women in front of her. Sure, some casual polite niceties are okay. And being attractive to others of the same sex is a turn on. But if she sees you flirting with other girls in front of her you’ll be stuck in the doghouse rather than in the penthouse with her.  From Men’s Health, “Make sure she knows how beautiful she is and how sexually skilled she is, especially if she isn’t — sexually skilled, that is.” Do not reinforce bad technique in bed. Be honest with her. If what she’s doing isn’t pleasing you gingerly steer her to what is. Or else you’ll be feeling frustrated and that will turn up in the bedroom. Whatever sex advice you are reading on the internet, remember to be skeptical, have a laugh if warranted and shag responsibly.

The Sauna Lowers your Sperm Count

Sometimes, nothing feels better than sitting in a hot sauna. It’s a great way to relax and unwind, gives one a sense of wellbeing and helps clear toxins, pathogens and impurities from the body. Some cultures naturally take to the sauna, particularly the Scandinavians such as the Swedes, Norwegians and Fins. In some places, it’s even a social affair. But if you like the sauna and you and your partner are trying to conceive, you may want to hold off. A new Finnish study finds that frequent sauna visits lower your sperm count, but only temporarily. Participants in their 30’s went to the sauna two times a week over three months, at 15-minute intervals apiece. Not only did these visits lower the men’s sperm counts, they remained low for three months afterward.Sperm returned to normal levels six months on. The reason the testicles descend from the body is that sperm is produced at a lower temperature. Those men who have undescended testicles naturally encounter fertility problems, as the testes are not kept at the proper temperature.

During visits to the sauna the men’s scrotal temperature increased by 5.4 degrees Fahrenheit (3 degrees Celsius). There is a difference between sperm count and overall fertility. Though this study proved that sauna visits lower sperm count, whether or not it affects overall male fertility is still at issue, experts say. Due to this, sauna visits are not a viable form of birth control. Heat exposure forces DNA to be packed into sperm cells differently. The mitochondria, which powers the cell is also affected. Therefore, men who are concerned about fertility should cease using the sauna, hot tub or taking hot baths. Sitting with a hot laptop in one’s lap for an extended period may also affect fertility, a previous study has found. Still, some experts believe that there isn’t enough evidence in this study to advise men without fertility problems to cease going. Only 10 men with fertility issues were utilized for this study. More research is needed, experts say.

STIs that can infect your Face

Syphilis, once nearly wiped out has made a comeback. In fact, one study found that between 2005 and 2013 infection rates grew 50%. 90% of those who contract the disease are men. But what’s more embarrassing than catching a sexually transmitted infection (STI)? Getting it on your face for the world to see. Syphilis is one such disease. Open sores on the mouth or lips may be a sign of infection. This generally develops after oral sex where one comes into contact with an open lesion, known as a chancre. With syphilis, sores generally arise three to six weeks after the incident took place in the genital area. For the face, they appear within four and ten weeks’ time. A lesion appears, what looks like an open sore. They can be large and may appear inside the mouth or on the tongue as well as on the mouth or lip region.  Some people develop bumps around the mouth or even a rash at different places on their body. A minority even experience alopecia or abnormal hair loss. Luckily, syphilis can be cured easily with an antibiotic.

Chlamydia is another bacterial infection. But here instead of on the skin or around the mouth, it resides in the eye. Such an infection looks very much like pinkeye. If left untreated, it can actually cause blindness. This occurs when the eye comes into contact with an infected bodily secretion. Chlamydia of the eye can also be treated with a prescription antibiotic. There is one STI that shows up on the face that cannot, herpes. This is a viral infection. There are two kinds, HSV-1 and HSV-2. The first is the type that develops as a regular cold sore in winter. The other is a sexually transmitted disease. Herpes is spread through the transfer of bodily fluids including kissing, oral sex and intercourse. You do not have to be the one performing the act. If someone has a cold sore and performs oral sex on you, you can also get it.  Even when you wear protection, if you come into contact with someone who has an open sore you have a chance of contracting herpes. 80-90% of those infected fail to show symptoms, however. It is most contagious when the infected person has a breakout, usually a rash of open sores. There is currently no cure, though there are medications to keep it under control and soothe symptoms. To avoid such an issue be careful, use common sense and wear protection. If experiencing any symptoms, be sure to see your physician right away.