How to Say what You Like in Bed

2014-05-06

Your partner is great, funny, attractive, charming, easy to get along with, and you two have a lot of fun together (askmen.com). But whether they lack experience or you two just aren’t in sync, either way their performance between the sheets is not exactly up to par. This is a difficult matter to address. You don’t want to offend them, hurt their feelings or make them feel inadequate in the bedroom. Do not tell them what they’re doing isn’t right, unless you never want to sleep with them again. But on the other hand you shouldn’t have to endure an unsatisfying time in the bedroom either. The first step is to talk about sex. This is a lot of fun. It should be done with a purpose, but you don’t have to let on what it is. Simply discuss likes, dislikes, fantasies and so on.You don’t have to lay it all out on the table. Let it slowly unfold. But if you talk about what you like, they’ll take note and try it out on you later. By the way, you should do the same for them as well. If you satisfy and fulfill one of their desires, they will feel obliged and enthusiastic about fulfilling and satisfying yours. Another way to address it is to use “I” statements instead of the accusatory you. “I love when you touch me down there with your hand and you do that circular thing. Sometimes it makes me sensitive though and then it hurts when you stroke too hard. Can you be a little more gentle? But I really love how you do that first part.” This also takes a piece from modern management techniques, couching a suggestion in between two compliments.

Play sex games. Have your partner request an act for you to perform and then share your request with them. This is a fun way to get what you want without any negatives attached at all. Another tactic is to talk casually about sex when you two are just hanging out and talk about your technique with them. Do they like how you caress them? Would they prefer slow or quick motions? Do they like their bodies handled roughly or easily? Your lover will feel special that you care so much about pleasing them and it will make them want to ask you the same types of questions, giving you an in without having to broach the subject. If you have preferences, discuss it with them. Most couples enjoy talking about sex together. If your partner’s antennae go up, tell them how you want to experience everything together, since you love them so much. That’ll smooth things over. Make sure you approach the subject in a relaxed, enthusiastic manner. It should be a fun, laid-back approach. Do not use an accusatory tone. If you find that they are starting to get upset, ask why. Let them know that you are only trying to make your sex lives better and more enjoyable. Be open to their suggestions. Put your hand in your partner’s lap, around their shoulder or hold their hand. Make them feel secure, loved and appreciated.