Monthly Archives: October 2012

Sex or money: What makes you happier?

Psycological Health

Sex or money: What makes you happier?

2012-10-04

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex for CNN Health. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.

If you’re thinking that the benefits of a hefty bank account could help turn up the heat in the bedroom, you’re at least partly right.

Money might not buy love, but it can allow for a sizzling sex life.

About 70% of multimillionaires — with a mean net worth of a whopping $90 million — say they enjoy better and more adventurous sex, according to a 2007 survey by Prince & Associates Inc., a marketing research firm specializing in global private wealth.

“Fully 63% of rich men said wealth gave them ‘better sex,’ which they defined as having more-frequent sex with more partners. That compares to 88% of women who said more money gave them better sex, which they defined as ‘higher quality’ sex,” writes Robert Frank in an article for the Wealth Report entitled “The Rich Libido.”

It makes sense when you think about it: Money relieves much of the life stresses that most of us have to deal with, helping those 1%ers relax and let go.

The security of extreme wealth can provide a sense of stability that many people, particularly female millionaires, find empowering. And expensive toys like private jets and trips to exotic locales certainly don’t hurt, either.

Hooking up with the rich may even improve the quality of sex, at least for women. In a 2009 study (PDF), researchers at Newcastle University found that as male partners’ income increased, so did the frequency of women’s orgasms.

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Could money act as an aphrodisiac? Maybe. Or, as the study’s authors suggest, perhaps wealth-inspired orgasms are the result of evolution, helping women discriminate between men to find those that have the best provider potential.

However, a partner who can provide more resources and more orgasms may not necessarily be the best long-term bet, because wealth changes people, and not always for the better.

According to social psychologist Justin Lehmiller, “Wealthier people engage in more dishonest and unethical behavior, and these traits may follow them into the bedroom. In fact, research has found that power and wealth are linked to a higher likelihood of infidelity.”

But luckily for all of 99%ers, sex itself may confer more happiness than money ever could.

In one study, researchers at Dartmouth College and the University of Warwick, England, measured levels of happiness in 16,000 men and women. They found that the more sex people had, the happier they were, regardless of their age or whether they were male or female.

And while money was found to buy more sexual partners, it didn’t necessarily buy more sex. In fact, men who paid for sex were considerably less happy than those who didn’t, which makes sense.

According to Lehmiller, “You can buy all of the sex you want, but at the end of the day, most of us want and need more than a few moments of physical contact. Purchasing sex does not meet our psychological needs for intimacy and emotional connection.”

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The researchers even found that sex is so closely tied to happiness that they estimated increasing sexual intercourse from once a month to once a week would have the same mood-boosting effects as adding $50,000 a year in income.

Sex may contribute to your happiness — and your actual bank account — in other ways, too. According to research by biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher, people who have more sex might do better at work.

Sex triggers the release of various brain chemicals, such as dopamine, vasopressin and oxytocin, which are associated with creativity, problem-solving, cooperation and confidence. It stands to reason, says Fisher, that regular sex might improve performance in the boardroom as well as the bedroom.

So how can you reap these rewards? Invest in your relationship by giving it the same time and attention that you would your retirement portfolio. Make time for date nights. Make sure that the number of positive interactions with your partner outnumbers the negatives.

Practice 30-second hugs to get those feel-good chemicals flowing. Share a cuddle — and maybe a fantasy or two. Remember, you may not own six homes and a private jet, but when you bank on your relationship, you can feel just as rich.

So what makes you happier: sex or money?

Crank up your sex drive

When sex is a pain in the back.

featured, Sexual Health

When sex is a pain in the back.

2012-10-01

By Ian Kerner, Special to CNN
September 6, 2012
An estimated eight out of 10 Americans will suffer from back pain at some point in their lives, according to the National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin Diseases. It’s no surprise that can have big effects on what goes on in your bedroom: whether a temporary strain slows you down or a more serious injury halts sex altogether.

We don’t have good statistics on the number of people who eschew sex because of back pain, mainly because many people don’t like to talk about sex with their doctors. But it stands to reason that back troubles can make sex a pain, too.

“Being in pain can make it more difficult to concentrate on pleasurable sensations, which in turn can make it more difficult to become aroused and have an orgasm,” explains Florida-based sex therapist Rachel Needles. “Depending on the dose and type, pain medication can also interfere with arousal and orgasm in both men and women.”

Fortunately, there are steps you can take to deal with the situation. Here are some ways to enjoy intimacy without back pain:
Talk about it. Back pain can be tricky because people often look fine, even if they feel terrible. That’s all the more reason to keep your partner in the loop.

“The most important thing is to be open with your partner and have ongoing discussions about how the pain is interfering with sexual intimacy,” says Needle. “This will help the partner in pain to not just avoid sex, but instead to team up with their partner to find ways for sex to be more comfortable and enjoyable.”

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Work it out. Dr. Maureen O’Leary, a specialist in orthopaedic injuries and neuromusculoskeletal impairments, guides clients through exercises designed to stretch and strengthen muscles.

“I’m also a big fan of Pilates, which is very effective at strengthening the muscles in the abdomen and torso that help support the back,” she says.

Yoga may help, too: “I personally have recurrent lower back issues and have found that practicing yoga several times a week, especially right before sex, helps tremendously,” says sex and marriage therapist Shellie M. Selove.

An experienced instructor, personal trainer or physical therapist can explain specific exercises and stretches that target the area of your back that’s problematic.

Make adjustments. It makes sense that, depending on the location of your pain, some sexual positions will be more and less comfortable than others. “People with lower back problems like sciatica or a herniated disc tend to feel more pain when bending forward, while those with spinal stenosis may find bending backward to be more painful,” explains O’Leary.

Let your body be your guide. If lying on your back hurts, you may want to be on top during sex, or vice versa. Side-by-side or spooning positions can take pressure off the back.

Experiment by placing a pillow under your lower back, stomach, knees or neck to see if the extra support helps, or try an angled pillow to make certain positions more comfortable, suggests sex educator Stephanie Mitelman.

Are you too tired for sex?

Explore other forms of intimacy. “It’s so important to touch and be touched by your partner,” says Needles. Taking a hot bath or shower or getting a massage can help loosen tense muscles before sex.

Even better, they can be fun, connecting forms of foreplay: Treat your partner to a soapy shower, or trade gentle massages to get in the mood. If intercourse seems like it might be too painful, make foreplay the main attraction, or focus on other forms of intimacy, such as cuddling, kissing, oral or manual stimulation, or simply sharing a fantasy.

Most causes of back pain eventually resolve with time and proper care. Whether you choose to make some adjustments in the bedroom or decide to make rest your priority, there’s no need to banish intimacy altogether. Take this opportunity to connect and communicate with your partner — inside the bedroom and out.

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