I can’t rape my wife

2017-07-11

GOVERNMENT officials, the church and lobby groups are at loggerheads over the ongoing Parliamentary committee review of the country’s Sexual Offences Act, particularly as it relates to the issue of marital rape. Human rights advocates have urged the committee to apply the established law governing rape to marital cases, while six major church groups have insisted that the current law is adequate, as in marriage there is presumed consent to sex by both parties.

The current marital rape provision stipulates specific circumstances under which rape can occur in marriage, such as if the couple is separated. The church groups have held that any adjustment to the law would interfere with the sanctity of marriage, sparking much debate on social media about whether the church was sanctioning abuse, and even more when married men took to the internet to support the church’s views.

“Yes, she can say no [to sex] and I can either accede to her request or not,” one Twitter user wrote, much to the chagrin of others. But interestingly, many women shared similar views, saying if a husband has sex with his wife even when she isn’t in the mood, it’s not rape, as he has the legal right to demand sex.

One woman said a wife shouldn’t even allow her husband to ask twice for sex, and if there is no logical reason for not wanting sex, the man has every right to divorce the woman and fight her in court for division of assets.

She further argued that she could never walk into a police station and report that her beloved husband had raped her, adding that some women are spiteful, wicked and wear a ring but are not “wives”.

But Reverend Karl Johnson, general secretary of the Jamaica Baptist Union, has a different view. He believes that rape can occur in a marriage.

“Rape is a forceful sex act. Marriage is not a transaction between superior and inferior owner and tenant, neither is it bakra master ruling over slave, and any time you ready you get a piece,” Johnson said. “Now if you’re following Christian guidelines and principles of self-giving, putting others before yourself, then there’s no scope for rape or abuse. But understand that marriage is a human relationship, and sadly, human relationships may break down. As a result marital relationships may bear the trappings of abuse. In that case, yes, a man can rape his wife.”

He added that even if the relationship has not broken down, it is hypocritical to endorse any relationship where force and violence become a feature.

“Everyone has a right to say no, and if you say no, it’s no,” he said.

We asked a few married men and women to share their views on whether a wife is obligated to provide sex to her husband on demand, and whether it is rape if he has sex with her when she doesn’t want to.

Jermelia, 41, female taxi driver:

Yes, it’s rape without consent, marriage or not. The same goes for the wives who want it without consent.

Kirk, 44, health coach:

Sex is an understood part of being married. This rape argument is foolishness. It is wrong to mortgage one’s marriage on sex. When the woman wants sex she always gets it, so what happens if he wants it?

Julian, 43, trainer:

I can’t rape my wife. The Bible tells me she must run @#$!% on me and vice versa. Even if she’s resisting I would still take it. She must do her duty and I must do mine too when she wants it.

Alfred, 36, doctor:

Whose body is it? It’s her body. I didn’t sign a lease agreement.

Jordan, 39, doctor:

Wives are not obligated to provide sex to their husbands, and any man who has sex with a woman against her consent is a rapist.

Donovan, 50, accountant:

No, because they are joined as one. If she is resisting and I still take it I wouldn’t call it rape, though I can admit that we men can give our wives a break at times. That’s why sweethearts are important. To avoid rape with wifey, have a sweetheart who’s often more willing. Also, what if I’m tired and she forces me, is that rape? There are blurred lines.

Hugh, 45, policeman:

Wifey fi send on and she should not resist either. Send on!

Suzanne, 24, clerk:

Based on the definition of rape, any unwanted penetration should be classified as that. Personally, if I am not in the mood, I prefer my husband to respect that. If a man forces himself on his wife I believe it is rape.

Andre, 40, technician:

My wife is not obligated to provide sex on demand, and that’s the operative term — on demand. It should be agreed upon for want of a better term. Sometimes I guess if she’s tired she can just say, “You can go ahead.” She probably won’t be involved in it, but there’s some form of agreement there.

International Andrology: Botox Clinical Trial Brings Hope to Sufferers of Erectile Dysfunction

2017-06-29

Sex ‘can boost BRAIN power in older people as scientists discover fascinating new link’

2017-06-22

The study, carried out by Coventry and Oxford Universities, found that over-50s who enjoyed regular romps showed improved cognitive functions.

The results found that those that had more sex tended to have better verbal fluency and ability to visually perceive objects and the spaces between them.

This included verbal fluency tests in which participants had a minute to name as many animals as possible, and then to say as many words beginning with F as they could.

They were then asked to take part in tests that determine their visual awareness, including copying a complex design and drawing a clock face from memory.

The stunning results revealed that those who fornicated more regularly were more fluent in speech and had better visual awareness.

The study expanded on previous research from February 2016, which found that older adults who were sexually active scored higher on cognitive tests than those that were not.

Dr Hayley Wright, from Coventry University’s Centre for Research in Psychology, Behaviour and Achievement, said: “We can only speculate whether this is driven by social or physical elements, but an area we would like to research further is the biological mechanisms that may influence this.

“Every time we do another piece of research we are getting a little bit closer to understanding why this association exists at all, what the underlying mechanisms are, and whether there is a ’cause and effect’ relationship between sexual activity and cognitive function in older people.

“People don’t like to think that older people have sex, but we need to challenge this conception at a societal level and look at what impact sexual activity can have on those aged 50 and over, beyond the known effects on sexual health and general wellbeing.”

Why Sexting Can Make Your Sex Life Even Hotter

2017-06-13

Sending nudes might lead to better sex: 61 percent of people who send daily sexts report feeling very satisfied with their sex life, according to a new survey of 2,000 men and women from DrEd.com, a health and sexual wellness site based in the UK.

But you don’t need to exchange sexy pics daily to reap the benefits. Of the people who reported sending sexts weekly, 42 percent reported feeling happy with their sex life—and even 33 percent of people who sent a sext just a few times a month were happiest between the sheets, too.

The link? You don’t need to be in bed to turn her on. Anything you do that builds arousal (yes, even consensual sexting between two adults) counts as foreplay, which plays a big role in making sex feel better for her—which in turn, makes sex better for you.

“For some people, sexting conjures up images of a shamed Anthony Weiner, but for many others it conjures up an intoxicating mix of hormones that stimulate their sex drive and adds to the intensity of their sexual encounters,” says marriage and family therapist Paul Hokemeyer, Ph.D.

“This is because our largest sex organ is our brain. By taking and sharing the most intimate parts of our bodies with our mate, we heighten our awareness of what we have to offer—and what there is to receive,” he adds.“ It’s an incredibly sensual process that focuses our minds to optimize our sexual pleasure.” (Here are 10 moves that are even hotter than sexting.)

Men were more likely to send full nude or genital shots, while women focused on other assets, like their breasts and butt, the survey found.

Just keep in mind that she may not be into it until she can trust you. Nearly 60 percent of women surveyed said they’re most likely to sext either a long-term partner or their spouse—but 36 percent admit to sexting casual partners, too.

It’s not a bad idea to talk to her about it first, though. More than 40 percent of women have received an unwanted sext and 7 percent of American women have had a nude photo shared without their consent (that number more than doubled for European women), the survey found. Not cool, man.

Street plays on ‘adolescent reproductive & sexual health’

2017-05-31

What Led To My Fight For Sexual Health Rights Of Unmarried Indian Women

Posted by Haiyya Organize For Action in Feminism, Sexual Health, Women Empowerment
May 29, 2017

By Nidhi Srivastava:

I sit in the foyer of a co-working space – which is occupied mostly by male workers, this Sunday – and stare at the diagram of a vulva. “That’s the clitoris,” I point with conviction. “No! The clitoris is at the top, you idiot!” my neighbour, a 20-year-old Delhi University (DU) student, whispers at me.

There are 20 young unmarried women like myself, here. They are all early, but fresh-faced, for a common cause. We call ourselves ‘SRHR defenders’ – defenders of sexual and reproductive health and rights of unmarried women in our country. We’ve been working together from this year on ways and means to ensure a safe and stigma-free access to gynaecological services.

I was introduced to this campaign by Mrinalini, a bright, curly-haired girl, whom I met at a Harry Potter fan-club meeting. Maybe it was just the mood of the evening – but Mrinalini, who worked for Haiyya (the sponsoring NGO) reminded of a young Hermione waving SPEW leaflets at her Hogwarts mates.

To me, the campaign sounded like feminism in action – involving groundwork, campaigning, drafting guidelines, canvassing and petitioning. The #HealthOverStigma campaign was my opportunity to prove to the world that I was a feminist and that I was actually doing something about it.

At the time I joined the #HealthOverStigma campaign, I had been to a gynaecologist only once in the 28 years of my life. That was when I believed myself to be dying of hemorrhagic shock. I had struggled with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) for years, but had never got myself treated. The haemorrhage turned out to be due to dengue, but my ‘first time’ with a gynaecologist proved to be fairly simple and satisfactory.

Unfortunately, the experience is not the same for many unmarried women. When we spoke to over a 100 women, startling stories of ostracisation by families, hiding of medical records and horrifying experiences with gynaecologists came to light.

“I went to a doctor to get an infection treated. But once she knew that I was not married and sexually active, she found it immoral to treat me. She asked me to find another doctor,” shared one woman. You can read more such stories here.

Our goal was clear. As fellow defender Swati Gupta puts it, “If you’re an unmarried woman who wants to access sexual healthcare, then you can’t do so because our society decides and disqualifies that need for you. As a defender, I want to change that and make access to sexual healthcare smooth and stigma free.”

So, this is how I ended up spending my Sunday mornings and several evenings (of the week) with this bunch of enterprising women. Training for the defenders entailed educating ourselves in female biology (hence the diagram of the vulva), and getting ourselves examined by a gynaecologist. Our job included creating and conducting surveys, planning, strategising, canvassing on the streets and asking odd questions like, “When was the last time you visited a gynaecologist?”

At times, we felt like lechers. “Do you think she is married?” – we’d whisper to each other, while stalking women at locations ranging from flashy upscale markets like the Greater Kailash market to the hallowed corridors of DU. We tried to reach out to young, unmarried women who faced the greatest risk. Why unmarried women only? In fact, we had intense and even heated debates on who we should include in our demographic (or not), whether our campaign is inclusive enough and who the stakeholders are.

Fellow defender Esha Bansal, 19, says – “It’s baffling to see how ignorant even educated women are of their own bodies, because nobody felt the need to discuss these things in the open. I enjoyed the informative session with the gynaecologists the most, because I got to know so much I wasn’t even aware of, before.”

At the campaign, we made sure that we were learning at every step of the journey. At the end of every meet and during the late-night conference call, we’d ask each other this question – “How are you feeling?”

Frankly, I feel embarrassed. I am 28 years old and the only time I’d been to a gynaecologist was when I thought I was dying. Every time a friend of mine or I have questions related to sex or reproductive organs, we consult each other or the internet – rather than a professional, for fear of shame.

I am embarrassed. I am angry. I am angry at my recently-engaged friend who is asking me what contraceptives she should use. I’m angry that at home, I only dare to call this a ‘health campaign’, and not a ‘sexual and reproductive health campaign’.

I am 28 years old. Many of you reading this are far younger. Do you want to be 28 and still be shy and embarrassed? Confused and misinformed? Our SRHR campaign has created a brilliant opportunity for us to take back our own agency  and to take control of our choices to ask for help – to demand help and to demand safe, non-judgemental and easy access to sexual health services.

You can join the fight for our rights. We are petitioning The Federation of Obstetric & Gynaecological Societies of India to make our ’10 commandments’ mandatory in all hospitals across the New Capital Region (NCR). Sign our petition here and get your friends to do the same. Any person of any age, gender or marital status can sign. Help us reach 500 signatures!