Category Archives: Sexual Health

10 Questions Men Should Definitely Ask Their Doctors About Testosterone

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10 Questions Men Should Definitely Ask Their Doctors About Testosterone

2017-11-03

Before you buy into the myth that “real men” have high testosterone levels, make sure you know the facts. 

Perhaps you’ve tried natural ways to boost your libido and they haven’t worked. Or maybe you’re concerned about aging and are tempted by the “miracle cure” testosterone booster that will keep you young forever (we’ve all seen the ads). But it’s important to look beyond clever marketing campaigns if you’re considering testosterone medication. Before you self-diagnose with low testosterone, here are the questions you need to ask yourself.

What is testosterone?

Derived from cholesterol, testosterone is a steroid hormone, called an androgen, mainly secreted by the testicles in men but also (in much smaller amounts) by the adrenal cortex and ovaries in women. A male fetus begins to produce testosterone as early as seven weeks after conception. Testosterone levels rise during puberty, peak during the late teens to early 20s, and then level off. After age 30 or so, it’s normal for a man’s testosterone levels to decline slowly, but steadily, each year. According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), testosterone is an important male hormone, regulating sexual development, muscle mass, and red blood cell production. Synthetic testosterone was first used as a clinical drug as early as 1937, and is now widely prescribed to men whose bodies naturally produce low levels.

The levels at which testosterone deficiency becomes medically relevant still aren’t well understood, according to the NIH, though it’s not just an issue for older men: Testosterone is one of the eight sexual health conditions millennial men need to be talking about. Normal testosterone production varies widely in men, and levels of the hormone fluctuate throughout the day—they’re usually highest in the morning. Although there is no standard definition of “low” testosterone—commonly referred to as “low-T”—the Mayo Clinic says a healthy range for an average adult male (30-plus) is between 270 and 1,070 nanograms per deciliter of blood. Possible symptoms of low-T, according to the NIH, include reduced sex drive, erectile dysfunction or impotence, increased breast size, lowered sperm count, hot flashes, depression, irritability and inability to concentrate, shrunken and softened testes, loss of muscle mass or hair, and bones becoming prone to fracture.

How is low-T diagnosed?

Most men have more than enough testosterone, but in some men, the body doesn’t produce enough of the hormone, which leads to a condition called hypogonadism. A blood test can tell your doctor how much free testosterone is circulating in your blood, and also show the total amount of the hormone in your body. However, according to the Endocrine Society in clinical practice guidelines published in The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism, low-T should be diagnosed “only in men with consistent symptoms and signs and unequivocally low serum testosterone levels.” The guidelines advise against screening men in the general population to avoid labeling—and medicating—otherwise healthy men “for whom testing, treatment, and monitoring would represent a burden with unclear benefit.”

Is low-T an inevitable part of aging?

When women go through menopause their estrogen levels plummet and stop almost completely. However, the decline in testosterone levels in men works differently. Typically, levels fall by only 1 to 2 percent per year after the age of 40, and low-T is certainly not inevitable. According to the June 2010 issue of the British Medical Journal’s Drug and Therapeutics Bulletin, about 80 percent of 60-year-old men, and half of those in their 80s, have testosterone levels within the normal range for younger men.

How do you treat low-T?

There are real health risks for men with low-T. The condition can be treated with testosterone replacement therapy (TRT), which requires a doctor’s prescription and careful monitoring. Medications come in the form of gels, topical solutions, transdermal patches placed on the skin, buccal patches applied to the upper gums, injections, and pellets implanted under the skin. The products are available under numerous brand names, including Androderm (marketed by Actavis Pharma), Androgel (AbbVie Inc.), Axiron (Eli Lilly USA), Fortesta (Endo Pharmaceuticals), Striant (Actient Pharmaceuticals), Testim (Auxilium Pharmaceuticals), and Testopel (Auxilium). If you’re thinking of taking testosterone to improve strength, atheltic performance, or physical appearance, or to prevent aging, note that the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has not approved the drug’s use on those grounds. A 2004 report from the Institute of Medicine, Testosterone and Aging: Clinical Research Directions, called TRT for age-related testosterone decline a “scientifically unproven method.”

What are the side effects of taking testosterone?

There are some scary ones, including an increased risk of heart disease. (Here are signs you might be headed for a heart attack.) If you’re considering TRT, make sure you understand all the possible risks. According to the Mayo Clinic, these include the development of acne or oily skin, fluid retention, possibility of increased urinary symptoms (e.g., urinary urgency or frequency), aggressiveness and mood swings, worsening of sleep apnea, reduction in testicular size, breast enlargement, and increased risk of blood clots. In 2014, the FDA revised testosterone product labels to warn about a possible increased risk of heart attacks and strokes in patients. The FDA recommends that patients using testosterone should seek medical attention right away if they experience chest pain, shortness of breath or trouble breathing, weakness in one part or on one side of the body, or slurred speech.

Can I boost testosterone naturally?

Obese men have lower testosterone, as do men who smoke, are physically inactive, or consume more than 28 drinks per week. So losing weight, being more active and drinking less booze may boost your levels without prescription meds. (Here are 17 simple tips to cut back on alcohol.) According to findings presented at the annual meeting of the Endocrine Society in 2012, obese men who lost an average of 17 pounds saw their testosterone levels increase by 15 percent. A 2014 study published in the International Journal of Sports Medicine found that high intensity interval training (HIIT) can boost testosterone levels.

Are there bad candidates for testosterone?

Men with normal testosterone levels should not consider testosterone therapy, and no one—men or women—should use any testosterone product if they have breast cancer. The belief that testosterone may increase the risk of prostate cancer or worsen the symptoms of enlarged prostate has been debated in the medical community for many years. A 2016 study by NYU Langone Medical Center and New York University School of Medicine, reported on ScienceDaily, found that testosterone therapy does not raise risk of aggressive prostate cancer, however it is advisable to tell your doctor if you have a history of prostate cancer before starting therapy.

Are there dangers to taking testosterone?

There’s a black-box warning on testosterone medication packages for a reason. Children who are accidentally exposed to the hormone are at risk of penis or clitoris enlargement, pubic hair growth, increased erections and libido, aggression, and aging bones, warns the FDA. So it’s really important not to apply the product to areas of the body that may come in contact with kids or pregnant women. Once the product is applied, the area should be covered with clothing, and hands should be washed with soap and water. (Check out the five ways you’re washing your hands wrong.) The area should be washed before any skin-to-skin contact with another person. Your bed sheets, pillows, and clothing may have testosterone on them, so warn anyone who comes into contact with them of the risk of exposure.

Being self-aware

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Being self-aware

2017-10-26

Age appropriate sexuality education is crucial for adolescents

As girls and boys grow, we help them navigate and engage with their world. We teach them self-management, such as how to dress and keep an orderly room. We teach them about avoiding dangers, such as how to use a stove without burning themselves. We teach them skills related to their expanding independence, such as how to buy something from the local grocery store and come back home with the right change. And we teach them how to manage social relationships, such as how to build supportive friendships and respect adults while recognising inappropriate actions.
Similarly, we need to provide adolescents with information and skills so they can thrive in the new opportunities and challenges they will face as teenagers and adults. As their bodies and minds mature, they need and have a right to information about puberty so that they are prepared for the changes they will experience. As their social networks and the influence of peer groups and the media expand, they need and have a right to develop confidence, competence, and communication skills. And as they move through adolescence, which we know is a period during which inequitable gender norms become further entrenched, they need and have a right to programming about respect, tolerance, and equitable attitudes.

Lack of right information

We know that this is not happening; studies from around the world show that children are not getting the information and education they need. First, many adolescents are poorly informed about the changes taking place in their bodies and minds at puberty, and unprepared to deal with them. Second, many adolescents are unaware and unprepared to protect themselves from sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies, or lack the skills to refuse unwanted sex from peers or adults who use coercive physical or emotional pressure. Third, they are immersed in widespread inequitable gender norms and attitudes, with almost half of adolescents agreeing that wife-beating is justified in some situations. Finally, they do not know where and how to seek help from adults or health and social services when problems occur. As a result, adolescents in our lives are facing health, psychological and social problems because we adults are shying away from sexuality education.

Contrary to common misconceptions, sexuality education is not about how to have sex. Instead, sexuality education aims to improve knowledge and understanding, and to correct misconceptions by providing age appropriate, scientifically accurate, and culturally relevant information. It aspires to promote self-awareness and norms that are equitable and respectful of others, by providing opportunities to discuss and reflect on thoughts and feelings, attitudes and values. At the same time, it works to build social skills needed to make responsible choices and to carry them out, by providing structured opportunities to practise those skills.

Dr. Venkatraman Chandra-Mouli works on Adolescent Sexual and Reproductive Health in the WHO’s Department of Reproductive Health and Research. Dr. Sunil Mehra is the Executive Director, MAMTA Health Institute for Mother and Child

Number of vasectomies plunges amid fears relationships won’t last

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Number of vasectomies plunges amid fears relationships won’t last

2017-10-06

The number of vasectomies carried out by NHS hospitals and clinics has dropped by nearly two thirds in a decade, official figures show.

Experts said the trend could reflect social shifts, with greater awareness that relationships might not last, and a reluctance to take steps seen as irreversible.

It could also be a symptom of deepening NHS rationing, they said, or changes in practices with the surgery increasingly offered by GP practices.

The new data from NHS Digital shows 29,344 vasectomies took place in hospitals and sexual health clinics in 2005/6, falling to 10,880 in 2015/16.

Over 2015/16, the number of procedures dropped by two per cent, the statistics show.

Sexual health experts said men were increasingly waiting until they are older to start families, or avoiding the procedure in case relationships failed and they wanted to have more children later in life.

NHS funding for vasectomies has been  restricted in some areas, as part of efforts to reduce spending.

A spokeswoman for the British Pregnancy Advisory Service (BPASA) said: “The fall in vasectomies may reflect the fact that there are more GP practices offering men this service which are not captured in the statistics.

“However, some men may be finding it harder to access the procedure – and we know women sometimes feel under pressure to accept a long-acting reversible contraceptive like a coil or an implant when their partner requests a vasectomy.

“This is not acceptable as vasectomy offers couples a way for a man to take the burden of contraception that his partner may have long shouldered.

“But the decline may also reflect social shifts – couples are waiting longer to start and complete their families, and there may also be greater awareness that relationships can fail and that vasectomy is generally an irreversible choice.”

Natika Halil, chief executive of the Family Planning Association (FPA), said: “Being able to choose the right contraceptive method for you is incredibly important, and given the lack of choices currently available for men, this makes access to vasectomies even more vital.

“Some commissioners in England, in areas including Essex, are now no longer offering vasectomies on the NHS, which means men may have to pay up around £500 for a private procedure.

“Unfortunately evidence shows that cuts to services, a fractured commissioning system, a lack of accountability, and a lack of training for healthcare professionals have all led directly to a reduction in access to contraception.”

She said “dramatic” cuts in public health budgets had exacerbated the problem, with £800m reduction in six years.

The figures show that overall, 1.19 million people had contact with sexual reproductive health services in hospitals and clinics in 2015/16, compared with 2.48 million a decade before. However, some of the change may be because increasing numbers of GPs surgeries are offering the service.

Seven per cent of women aged between 13 and 54 had contact with such services – compared with just one per cent of men of the same age, the statistics show

Vasectomies are more than 99 per cent effective, according to the NHS, and the procedure – which involves cutting, blocking or sealing the tubes that carry sperm from a man’s testicles to the penis – takes around 15 minutes. It is usually carried out while the man is under local anaesthetic, and the NHS warns that it can lead to painful swelling of the scrotum as well as “ongoing pain” in the testicles.

When you and your partner have mismatched libidos

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When you and your partner have mismatched libidos

2017-09-25

About 15% of men and 34% of women say they’re not really interested in sex, according to a newstudy, statistics that few experts find surprising. In fact, low desire in one partner is probably the top reason couples seek out sex therapy.

When one of you has more interest in sex than the other, it’s easy for the person with the higher sex drive to feel rejected, bruised and undesirable and for the partner who avoids sex to feel pressure, anxious and guilty.
Any number of factors can affect sexual desire, and most of them have little to do with your partner’s attractiveness. In the study I mentioned, researchers found that for both men and women, physical and mental health had an impact on libido. But they may have different motivations for avoiding sex.
“For men, it’s often the appearance of disinterest rather than actual loss of interest,” sex therapist Deborah Fox said. “Men avoid sex frequently due to prior performance issues, such as erectile issues or rapid ejaculation. They may avoid it to escape the anxiety of these issues reoccurring.” In women, hormonal factors and fatigue can contribute to low libido.
And sometimes, life just gets in the way. “In my practice, I see a lot of desire diminish due to interest in porn, boredom of the same sexual routine, the comfort of monogamy and relationship security, and the loss of couple time due to a focus on parenting time,” sex therapist Amanda Pasciucco said.
Here are some other things to consider when you and your partner have mismatched sex drives.
Nagging and anger aren’t helpful. If you’re wondering why your partner isn’t interested in sex, ask from a place of curiosity, sex therapist Holly Richmond said. “Instead of saying, ‘I’m so frustrated that we never have sex anymore. What’s going on with you?’ try, ‘I’m curious about why we have less sex than we used to. Is there something you need from me?’ Open a window of opportunity for communication rather than shoving closed a door of criticism.”
You may need to take sex off the table. Sometimes, the topic of not having sex has become so fraught that you need to start fresh with some simple forms of touch that feel nice but don’t have to lead to sex. “I start by asking a couple be in the same room at the same time for about an hour at least twice a week,” gynecologist and sex counselor Terri Vanderlinde said. “During that time, I have them do something fun and intimate, like playing a game or reading a book together.”
Couples can connect during this window of time, but there should be a rule not to have sex. Some couples will focus on making out above the waist, taking a sensual shower together or giving each other massages. You should also think about ways to stimulate your erotic brain, particularly if you’ve just been going through the motions. Watch ethical porn together, read erotica, share a fantasy or even reminisce about the hot sex you used to have.
Intercourse isn’t always the destination. For most of us, intercourse is often the main entree on the sex menu. Oral sex, manual stimulation and other forms of touch and direct clitoral stimulation are relegated to being optional appetizers. Yet recent studies show that most women prefer a high degree of clitoral stimulation to climax, and prioritizing “outercourse” allows you to discover new paths to pleasure.
Just do it. It’s important remember that sexual desire changes across long-term relationships. In the beginning, sex is usually more spontaneous, and cues such as a look or touch from your partner make you feel aroused more quickly. But over time, spontaneous desire often evolves into responsive desire, which emerges in response to pleasure. In other words, you might not begin with sexual desire but with a willingness to generate it.
“Sometimes, we have to make a conscious effort to be intimate with our partner. If we sit around and wait to be suddenly in the mood, it may never happen,” sex therapist Rachel Needle explained. “Take a chance, even if you aren’t in the mood. Chances are you’ll enjoy yourself once you get started.”
Sex therapist Michael A. Vigorito agrees. “It can help to schedule weekly sex,” he said. “Knowing that sex will occur may help the low-desire partner to turn themselves on in preparation, like they probably did when they were dating. It may also help reduce the high-desire partner’s anxiety about the next time they will have sex.”
Remember, if you’re interested in sex and your partner is not, think of your interest as a precious resource. Without it, without your motivation to have sex, it’s easy to get stuck in a rut. So don’t give up — just refocus your efforts.

Why we must talk to children about sex

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Why we must talk to children about sex

In recent days, incidents involving the assault and rape of young adolescents—girls and also boys—have come to attention. On the one hand, two girls, aged 10 and 13, were raped by supposedly “trusted” adults in Chandigarh and Mumbai. They silently bore the abuse until they fell pregnant and could no longer hide their condition.

In Mumbai, two boys swallowed insecticide and committed suicide after being abused and raped by older boys. They couldn’t stand the shame and prospect of further abuse. One boy died before he could tell his parents; the other sought his parents’ help only after he had consumed the fatal potion, but disclosed the names of his abusers before he lost his life.

These incidents should force adults to confront some hard realities. Today, growing up is fraught with physical insecurity, and yet adolescents know little about their bodies— how does one become pregnant, or protect oneself from unwanted pregnancies and infections? How does one confront a sexual predator or distinguish between good and bad touch? Too few girls and boys know these things and fewer still have access to a trusted mentor with whom they can share their experiences and who can take protective action. Most are never told that, if abused, it’s not their fault.

A study conducted by the Population Council on unmarried girls in Bihar and Jharkhand who underwent abortions showed that pregnancy took place after a forced sexual encounter for several of them. The study also sheds light on the reasons why the girls waited till they were well into the fourth or fifth month of pregnancy to seek termination. Several did not know the links between menstruation and pregnancy. Komal and Najma, both of whom were 18 and had experienced a forced sexual encounter, explained: “When I did not have my periods, I did not even think that I could have conceived. I did not feel anything. But one day my employer asked me why my stomach was looking so big… I started having a vomiting sensation. I had no idea that your periods stop when you conceive a child. Then my mother asked me when I had my last period.”

Many girls also described feelings of fear and anxiety about disappointing their family; they were worried about breaking the trust of their parents and losing their reputation. Others feared that their parents would beat them, abuse them or impose restrictions on their freedom of movement. Binita, a 20-year old, said, “My parents’ view towards me would have been shattered. They have full faith in me but had they come to know about this, they would have lost trust in me.”

While research on boys is sparse, it is likely that all four of the adolescents in the news recently, and thousands like them, react similarly to incidents of forced sex.

To prevent such incidents, we must shed the misconception that talking to adolescents about sex will encourage them to experiment with sex. Nothing could be further from the truth, as study after study in every part of the world has shown. Yet in India, teachers and parents shy away from sex education. They refuse to engage adolescents even on topics like pregnancy and menstruation, body changes, and good and bad touch. They believe that there is no need to provide this information, or that talking about these matters will encourage sexual activity. These perceptions are short-sighted, irrelevant in today’s times, and damaging for the adolescents. Informing adolescents about these matters does not lead them “astray”; rather, it empowers them and helps them make healthy choices.

School-based comprehensive sex education and open parent-child communication are urgently needed. Comprehensive sex education informs adolescents in an age-appropriate way about sexual and reproductive health, and unwanted sexual advances. At the same time, it also encourages them to develop notions of gender equality, and an ability to communicate and negotiate.

Parents, likewise, must be persuaded to discard their misconceptions and communicate openly with their children. They must teach their children that, if violated in any way, they must confide in their parents, and promise them unconditional support.

Elsewhere, parenting programmes have succeeded in breaking communication and trust barriers between parents and children, and there is scope for such programmes in India as well.

There are success stories in India too. A police outreach programme in Mumbai schools teaches children about good and bad touch. This month, a six-year-old girl in Mumbai, who had attended this programme, recognized that what a man was doing to her constituted bad touch, and was empowered enough to shout and raise an alarm as she had been taught, and succeeded not only in preventing him from perpetrating rape but also in ensuring his arrest. The little girl acted courageously, and the Mumbai police must be commended for delivering such an effective programme.

Parents and teachers must learn from this example. A three-pronged approach that includes comprehensive sex education, close parent-child interaction, and age-appropriate public awareness campaigns such as the police outreach programme will go a long way in fighting sex abuse.

Shireen Jejeebhoy is a social scientist and demographer.

Abstinence-only programs do not delay sexual initiation, prevent STIs

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Abstinence-only programs do not delay sexual initiation, prevent STIs

2017-09-07

Santelli JS, et al. J Adolesc Health. 2017. doi:10.1016/j.jadohealth.2017.06.001

Sexual education that promotes “abstinence-only-until-marriage” is not effective at limiting sexual initiation or sexual risk behaviors, according to a review published in the Journal of Adolescent Health.

Additionally, the authors claim that these programs violate adolescent rights, stigmatize or exclude groups of teenagers and strengthen damaging gender stereotypes.

“The weight of scientific evidence shows these programs do not help young people delay initiation of sexual intercourse,” John Santelli, MD, MPH, professor of population and family health at Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health, said in a press release. “While abstinence is theoretically effective, in actual practice, intentions to abstain from sexual activity often fail. These programs simply do not prepare young people to avoid unwanted pregnancies or sexually transmitted diseases.”

The authors gathered reports from those involved in sexuality education and adolescent health. Additionally, information regarding abstinence-only-until-marriage (AOUM) program policies and viewpoints from government reports or advocacy organizations were included.

Through analysis, Santelli and colleagues observed that AOUM programs were disconnected from health professionals because they were mostly concerned with character and morality as opposed to health behaviors and outcomes.

According to the review, the median age for marriage for American men and women rose over the past 60 years. The gap between age of first intercourse and first marriage in women was observed at 8.7 years, whereas the gap between these two factors was observed at 11.7 years in men.

A noticeable change in educational practices has also been observed. Between 2000 and 2014, instruction on human sexuality decreased from 67% to 48%. Of the schools that taught about sexuality, 50% of middle schools and 76% of high schools taught that abstinence was the most effective way to prevent pregnancy, STIs and HIV. Birth control was discussed in only 23% of middle schools and 61% of high schools, and only 10% of middle schools and 35% of high schools included information about the correct use of condoms.

“Young people have a right to sex education that gives them the information and skills they need to stay safe and healthy,” Leslie Kantor, PhD, MPH, assistant professor of population and family health at the Mailman School of Public Health and vice president of education at Planned Parenthood Federation of America, said in the release. “Withholding critical health information from young people is a violation of their rights. Abstinence-only-until-marriage programs leave all young people unprepared and are particularly harmful to young people who are sexually active, who are LGBTQ or have experienced sexual abuse.”

“Adolescent sexual and reproductive health promotion should be based on scientific evidence and understanding, public health principles and human rights,” Santelli said in the release. “Abstinence-only-until-marriage as a basis for health policy and programs should be abandoned.” – by Katherine Bortz

Disclosure: The researchers report no relevant financial disclosures.

This fruit boosts your libido

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This fruit boosts your libido

When you think of dates—the fruit, not going for dinner—you probably think of digestive issues and constipation. That’s because they are known to help you in such cases. But dates can also be enjoyed to improve another area of health—sexual function in men.

Experts suggest that men should include dates in their diet as a means of improving their sexual function and boosting libido. Dr. Aminu Kazeem, a sexual health therapist who works at Energy for Sex Clinic in Lagos, Nigeria, explained, “Eating dates will promote sperm quality and quantity as it is one of the best natural fruits used for male fertility. It also increases the size of testes in men and the size of breast in women. Consuming the fruit can help to treat sexual disorders because it is a natural aphrodisiac.”

What makes dates such a potentially potent natural Viagra? It’s because they are packed with flavonoids and estradiol, which could work to improve sperm mobility and counts.

Dates are also known to boost sexual hormone levels and provide essential nutrients to improve sexual function in both men and women.

Generally speaking, anyone can consume dates regularly, but if you are diabetic, you may want to consult your doctor prior due to dates sugar content.

Nutritionist Toyin Adeola explained how you could consume dates as a means of boosting sexual performance. She said, “It is advisable to remove the seed and grind seven or eight pieces of dates and soak in water for about two to three hours. Add one glass of milk and one teaspoon of honey and drink at least once a day to boost sexual power.”

Other foods that boost libido naturally

Aside from dates, there are other foods that you can incorporate into your daily diet that could put your sex drive into overdrive.

Garlic

While the root is synonymous with smelly breath—not exactly sexy—it also contains a compound that increases blood flow and circulation to the genitals. So be sure to enjoy some with your dinner. Just make sure you brush your teeth before taking it to the bedroom.

Almonds

These high-protein snacks can do more than just keep you satiated between meals. Men who snack on almonds regularly could also benefit from increased production of male hormones that help regulate the sex drive.

Figs

Figs have been referred to as the “food of the Gods” and the “food of love,” and for good reason! These sweet fruits are loaded with natural aphrodisiacs that could ignite your sex drive and increase your stamina.

Asparagus

Some experts have asserted that eating three stalks of asparagus daily could boost your sex drive, thanks to its high levels of certain libido-enhancing vitamins.

Bananas

These yellow fruits are full of enzymes, vitamins, and minerals that have all been associated with increasing the production of sex hormones.

Avocados

One of the latest health food trends, avocados have more benefits than you may have realized. While they’re a fantastic source of healthy fats, they also contain vitamins and minerals that increase energy, regulate sex hormones, and boost libido for men and women.

Chilies

Hot chili peppers contain a chemical that triggers the production and release of endorphins. In addition to making you feel good, endorphins could also stimulate nerve endings and raise your heart rate.

So, the next time you feel your libido is lagging, try reaching for one of these foods to help kick-start your sex drive and better your bedroom performance.

Marry Your Rapist Law and Marital Rape: Two names of the same crime

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Marry Your Rapist Law and Marital Rape: Two names of the same crime

By Dr. Jyotika Teckchandani
Published Online: Sep 06, 2017

Rape and sexual abuse are the most raging crimes against women throughout the world. Most of the time these crimes are not reported because of the shame and social stigma attached to them. In fact, societal pressure is so heinous that it increases the trauma of the women often leading them to commit suicide. Violent rape has serious impact on women’s sexual and reproductive health on the long run. This pain intensifies more when the victim is compelled to marry her “rapist.”

The inhuman “Marry your rapist laws exists in some Middle Eastern countries like Algeria, Bahrain, Iraq, Kuwait, Libya, Palestine, and Syria etc.  By marrying the victim, rapist can escape punishment. The justification given for this “law” is that it protects women’s honor by bringing this illicit sexual contact within the institution of marriage.

Purna Sen, policy director for UN Women, says that “The penal codes in these countries do not approach rape as violence or abuse, but focus more on the idea that sexual contact occurred outside of marriage. It’s not been really distinct as rape as force and abuse and violence… So the way to make that respectable is to put it within the institution of marriage.”

Often women are forced by their family members to save family’s honour by marrying the abuser as integrity and honor is tied to women’s behaviour, conduct and maintenance of virginity before marriage. This law is often considered as a saviour for the family after the assault as victims are blamed for inviting the attack on themselves. This law leads to victimisation of the victim all over again but nobody pays attention.

However, as a result of the effort of the various non-governmental organisations, UN, human right groups, implementation of CEDAW, this law has been scrapped in some countries. Tunisia, Jordan and Lebanon have repealed the provisions in their penal code which allowed the rapist to escape punishment by marrying his victim.

On 26th July, Tunisia passed a law titled, “Law on Eliminating Violence against Women”, which abolished this clause and recognised domestic violence as a punishable crime.

Following Tunisia, the Jordanian Parliament passed a landmark law in this regard. The house voted to abolish a provision in the penal code (Article 308) that allowed rapists to escape punishment (i.e.,dropping of the rape charges) if they marry their victims and stay with them for at least three years. This decision now needs the approval of the upper house, Senate, and then ratification by King Abdullah II.

Weeks after Tunisia and Jordan, Lebanaon also repealed Article 522. This dealt with rape, assault, kidnapping and forced marriage. This law states that rape is punishable by up to seven years in prison and more if the victim is mentally or physically disabled. Article 522 added that if the rapist marries the victim, he can escape the punishment. Since 1940s, this law has been a major hindrance to women’s equality. Though Article 522 has been repealed, the effects of this law can be seen in Article 505 and 518. Both these articles allow a person accused of “consensual” sexual relations with a minor to avoid prosecution by marrying the victim.
However, if you think that the law is Middle Eastern in origin, then that’s not the case. This law is inspired by French Napoleonic Code of 1810 which allowed a man who kidnapped a girl to escape prosecution if he married her. In fact, France abolished this law only in 1994.

Though its a significant step for women’s equality in the region which is known for its misogynist laws against women as laws help to change the mindset. However, the mere passing of this law is of little use until and unless authorities put a check on the private rape marriage arrangements and provide victims easy access to justice.

This rape-marriage arrangement raises an important question on the legality of “rape within marriage” in India. Its same like Marry your Rapist. Marital rape is a common practise which is often used by the husband to establish himself as a master on his wife. However, its not a criminal offence as the government feels that criminalising marital rape will destabilize the institution of marriage. However, the government is forgetting that by having forced sex with your wife, husband has automatically weakened the sacred institution of marriage.

The author is an assistant professor at Amity University, Noida. She may be contacted at  jyotikateckchandani-at-gmail.com

Conversations about sex

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Conversations about sex

2017-08-29

In a survey carried out on youngsters on sexual and reproductive health, 35% of the respondents did not believe pregnancy could occur in the first sexual encounter, while 19% believed using two condoms at the same time offered better protection.

 

The Malaysian Youth Sexual And Reproductive Health Survey 2016 certainly shed some light on the poor levels of sexual and reproductive health (SRH) knowledge among our youngsters.

Why are we so embarrassed to talk about this topic? Parents tend to avoid talking about the birds and the bees, schoolteachers whiz through the boy-girl anatomy sections, and youngsters discuss the subject in hushed whispers.

Because it is widely considered a taboo topic in Asia, our youngsters are ill-equipped with SRH knowledge, which leads them to make rash or bad decisions.

But this culture can be changed.

It begins at home and starts with a conversation about intimacy. Instead of skirting the issue, leaving it to schools or turning a blind eye, parents should talk about sex with their children.

“When we start talking about it, we will be able to address the deep-rooted perception that SRH education encourages sexual activity and promiscuous behaviour.

“Additionally, talking equips one with an in-depth understanding and respect of the physical, mental and social aspects on all matters relating to SRH.

“When parents speak to their children about their private parts, it is best to avoid using nicknames to ensure children treat their genitals the same as with other body parts. By addressing the private parts with their biological terms, it will help children not to feel ashamed of those parts, but appreciate and respect them.

“If parents continue addressing the private parts with nicknames, their children will build a perception that it is not right to talk about such things, and they carry this culture into adulthood,” says obstetrics and gynaecology consultant Prof Dr Harlina Halizah Siraj.

She was commenting on the ongoing #TalkNowProtectAlways campaign by Durex Malaysia, which seeks to encourage Malaysian youth and parents to talk about the subject in an effort to correct misconceptions.

According to certified parenting coach Zaid Mohamad, parents should treat it like a normal conversation at home, like how they would talk about school, games, and even programmes they watch together.

“Though it may be tough at first, I strongly urge parents to take note of the benefits their children will have by having such knowledge.

“Parents should also remember that it is okay to not have all the answers to the questions their child may have. Be honest with your child. If you do not know how to respond to them, let them know you will go find out and you will get back to them,” says Zaid, who is also the author of Smart Parents, Brighter Kids and Smart Parents, Richer Kids.

Every day, we read stories of rape and teenage pregnancy, with both victims and perpetrators getting younger. Just last month, a seven-year-old boy was alleged to have raped a six-year-old kindergarten pupil in Melaka.

Teaching children about SRH and sex crimes should be the priority for every parent as primary caregivers, as soon as the child is able to understand things.

Prof Dr Harlina says, “First, parents need to educate themselves on what SRH knowledge is truly about. They need to be made aware that it covers a wide range of areas that are fundamental to one’s growth and in keeping children safe and protected.

“These include a basic understanding of the bodily parts and their correct terminologies, puberty and respect of others, healthy relationships to staying protected and using contraception.”

While there is no ideal age for parents to start educating their children on SRH, Zaid feels these conversations should begin as early as possible.

“Opportunities may arise when parents are spending time with their children at home or when they are out doing activities together.

“For instance, when watching TV together and a pregnant teenager appears on screen, parents can educate their younger children on what pregnancy is all about. Or, if they have teenage children, ask them about the kind of feelings and emotions that the pregnant teenager might be going through,” he advises.

The conversation should not be treated as a one-off and has to progress in tandem with the child as he or she grows older and develops physically, mentally and emotionally.

Zaid adds, “A parent who has a two-year-old can start talking about body parts, private behaviours, as well as the difference between boys and girls.

“As the child grows older, say, when they are five years old, the conversation can evolve to include topics about understanding and respecting their bodies, appropriate touch, as well as when to say no.

“As the child reaches the pre-teen or teenage years, then it progresses into topics on dealing with puberty, body changes, relationships and much more.”

Prof Dr Harlina says, “When you talk, connect it back to your family values so that those are communicated as well. Though it may seem like a tall order at first, rest assured, that over time the conversations will get better, smoother and easier for both the parent and the child.

“In fact, a key message that I would like to tell parents is to be an ‘ask-able’ parent, rather than a lecturer. Listening is key to understanding what your child is going through, so do not be quick to judge nor brush aside their thoughts as it may deter them from coming to you again.”

Asians are accustomed to the practice of saying “no” to their children and expecting them to follow suit.

However, in today’s world where information is easily accessible, parents need to realise that they no longer stand as the sole source of information to which their children can go to for guidance.

In the digital age, false information is also widely available – and it is this type of inaccurate information that tends to go viral.

“As parents, we all know that constantly saying ‘no’ may even fan the fire of curiosity, and in turn, make them more rebellious. Knowledge is power. Help them understand the potential repercussions of their actions rather than just telling them ‘no’.

“This is particularly important when it revolves around your child’s SRH whereby one mistake is all it takes to have a permanent effect on your child’s life. Keep a lookout for signals that your child may be contemplating doing something behind your back,” says Zaid.

By instilling in the child an understanding of unprotected sex and its repercussions, it will help the child appreciate their body and the process of reproduction, which in turn will help them make informed decisions.

And contrary to what critics fear, such awareness does not encourage youth to start “experimenting”. Young people need age-appropriate and culturally-sensitive sex education to empower them.

“It is important to educate boys to learn to respect girls and their decisions. It is not enough to only teach girls about pregnancy and how to stay protected; boys need to learn to take responsibility, too. We need to educate them on the female’s reproductive system, how it works, as well as how to be respectful and responsible.

“This will in turn cultivate a culture whereby boys are responsible, considerate and protective. These are all part of a healthy understanding of SRH that we hope to grow and develop among Malaysians,” stresses Zaid.

 

Read more at http://www.star2.com/health/wellness/2017/08/28/conversations-about-sex/#ym7Bk7xthC08fm7p.99

Porn Stars Explain Why You Shouldn’t Expect to Have Sex Like a Porn Star

blog, Sexual Health

Porn Stars Explain Why You Shouldn’t Expect to Have Sex Like a Porn Star

One of the primary concerns about porn consumption is how it affects our expectations of a real-life sexual experience. So, in an interview with the Daily Mercury, a small Australian tabloid, adult film stars Lucie Bee, Ryan James, and Luc Dean revealed what it’s like to work in the porn industry, and how that experience has carried over to their personal sex lives. These three lent their insight on the topic, unsurprisingly confirming that, yes, there should be some differences between what’s happening between the actors on-set, and what’s happening between you and your significant other.

(Find out what will drive her wild. The Men’s Healthguide to pleasuring a woman will teach you the best sex positions for her orgasm.)

“My ‘fun buddies’ who don’t work in the industry will say, ‘Can we do x, y, z?’ that they’ve seen in porn and I’ll say, ‘Sure, but you won’t enjoy it!'” Dean told the paper. “It looks good on camera, but it’s fantasy.”

That illusion even sells short just how good real sex can be, they say, as the intimate nuances of unedited sex get lost on the cutting room floor.

“Real sex is not perfect and it’s not meant to be,” Bee said. “There are those hilarious moments when you’re sitting on a chair and someone slips, and intensity, eye contact and passion. I don’t think porn has really captured that on screen.”

Still, there have been some benefits to their work, as they explained how it has helped them assert their sexual needs and boundaries with more confidence. Bee says that her job has helped her develop one of the most essential traits of any successful sexual relationship: communication.

“Porn has given me the ability to have a frank discussion with my partners, both in real life and on screen, and what works for me and what doesn’t,” she said.

It’s also helped them be more attentive to their partners, and to listen to their needs without judgment.

“I would say you shouldn’t try to replicate what you see in porn just because you think it looks good,” Ryan said. “If one partner doesn’t want to do something, they should never feel the need to explain themselves. The focus should be on what both partners enjoy doing.”

Need more proof that communication is the secret to better sex? Learn why 62 percent of women care more about a strong connection than your penis size.