Monthly Archives: May 2015

Man’s Testosterone Level Drops after First Year of Marriage

Man’s Testosterone Level Drops after First Year of Marriage


The seven year itch? The four year slump? What about the one year nosedive? The real test of a relationship, at least for the man, may come after just 12-months according to scientists. British researchers at Worcester University found that after one year of a relationship, a man’s testosterone levels drops significantly. During the first year of the couple being together, the man’s hormone level is high. He is ready to fend off competitors so to be the only one for his lady love. He may also be ready to engage in other sexual experiences early on, in case this relationship doesn’t work out. But after a 12-month period his testosterone level falls significantly. 75 male participants between the ages of 18 and 39 took part in this study. Each was queried about his relationship status and how long it had lasted. Then the men’s testosterone levels were measured. Those in new relationships saw their hormone levels sink after one year’s time, researcher’s discovered. For those in relationships for much longer, their testosterone level plummeted even further, by one-third.


Dr. Daniel Farrelly led the study. He is a psychologist at the university’s Institute of Health and Society. Farrelly believes this may be a biological sign of certain external cues that the couple is expected to remain in a committed relationship. Another reason could be that less testosterone would make a man less aggressive, and so better at raising children and other aspects of fatherhood. Whether a man was single or in a relationship didn’t affect his hormone level. Only when he reached the year mark or beyond did he see his level drop. This adaptation may have helped men switch gears into becoming husbands and fathers instead of fighting off would-be competitors or scoping the scene for other females. The study was published in in the journal Evolutionary Psychology.

Would you go to a Female Urologist?

Would you go to a Female Urologist?

According to a WebMD poll only 8% of urologists operating today are female. That should not be a big surprise as women are making more inroads in what were considered traditional male occupations. Some male patients might be embarrassed at the thought of interacting with a female urologist. After all, examining penises is a big part of the job. Other conditions urologists treat include urinary tract, bladder and kidney problems. These tend to affect both sexes equally, hence the increase in women in the field. Dr. Leslie Rickey is the president of the Society for Women in Urology, an associate professor at the Yale School of Medicine and herself a practicing urologist. She says it isn’t just male genitals urologists’ deal with. In fact, a lot of her practice is helping women who have issues with leaking urine. The Society began in the 1980s, she said. At that time, few women were on the scene. Nowadays, there are a lot more. But there is still a great disparity in this and for many other specialists in the medical field.


The number of female urologists is growing. Currently, 25% of medical school graduates who are working toward becoming urologists are women. It has been a slow growth rate, however. Many men shudder and ask themselves if they would go to a female urologist. Some say since it’s a medical professional, it shouldn’t matter what their gender is. Instead, their background, expertise, professionalism, patient rapport and conscientiousness are what are important. In other cases however, male patients feel uncomfortable about opening up to a female urologist. But usually, one female urologist is part of a practice. She is there to deal with women’s issues. Lots of women are hesitant to go to a male urologist. So having one that is female within a practice is a good draw and benefits female patients as well. Though being examined by a female urologist isn’t common, it may become more so someday as gender roles in our society flatten and more women enter into the practice.

How to Overcome Lack of Confidence about Penis Size

How to Overcome Lack of Confidence about Penis Size

Our society puts a lot of weight on penis size. Though 85% of men are average, according to a recent British study, the media, internet porn and other sources have pushed men into thinking they need to be huge in order to be significant. In reality, it only takes four inches to satisfy a woman during intercourse. And most don’t orgasm via penetration anyway. Instead, they need clitoral stimulation to reach climax. So size really isn’t the focal concern it seems to be. Yet, many men have difficulty overcoming the lack of confidence about their penis size. Here are some tips on how to make yourself feel more confident and give her the time of her life. First, realize that if used properly, sex experts say a four and a half inch penis can feel just as satisfying as the six inch variety. With this new information, feel confident. If you can’t, fake it until you make it. Chances are if you can turn her on with your confidence, your wit, personality and through wooing her, she will be too busy gushing over you to care about what you are packing.


When the time comes to be intimate together, spend a lot of time getting her in the mood. Most men only make a cursory attempt at foreplay. In fact,warming up a woman is one of the best things you can do. Begin foreplay way before you get into the boudoir.  Give her a long hug.  Romance her. Pay her compliments. Give her a massage. Make her feel good. Then move on to making out with her. Once in the bedroom, slow down. Kiss her and touch her all over. Make her the focus, not you. Find out what kind of pillow talk she prefers and use it. Give her some clitoral stimulation before penetration. You don’t have to reveal yourself to her, especially the first time. In fact, lots of women like to do it in the dark. During intercourse, vary your technique. Utilize positions to make the most out of intercourse. Doggie style, the rabbit, the snake, the antelope and V-formation are all great positions for those who feel they are less endowed.  With the proper strategy and technique you can satisfy any woman no matter what you are packing.

How to get in a Sexy Mood

How to get in a Sexy Mood


Feeling warmth and closeness is essential to keeping your relationship fresh and alive. But you aren’t always in the mood for getting close. Worries, work, stress and other problems often get in the way. Sometimes we’re just too tired to give our partner or our relationship the attention they deserve. So what do you do? How do you get in a sexy mood and warm things up? Here are some ideas on how to get in a sexy mood. For one thing, why not try a little exercise? It doesn’t have to be too strenuous. A decent walk at a medium pace can increase your libido. A half hour on the ellipsis machine can make you feel brand new. Exercise gives you energy and a more positive body image. It will boost your self-esteem too. And what’s sexier than a little confidence? Try stimulating your senses.  Why not put on a sexy scent to charm your lover or just yourself? Wear sensual fabrics that feel amazing while they rub against your body all day. Suede, silk, or satin are great choices. Not only that, but your partner might be so enamored with how soft your garment looks, they’ll want to reach out and touch you. Make it a whole ensemble and they won’t be able to keep their hands off of you!

Portrait of a romantic young couple
Portrait of a romantic young couple

Why not put on a performance? Dance in your living room to music you love. Belt out your favorite tune on the album. Good music can definitely get you in a sexy mood. Why stop there? Put on a little performance for your lover or even ask them to join in with you. Sometimes in today’s million-mile-a-minute world, we lose focus on other sides of ourselves and what we really like. Getting in tune with what turns you on can be a chance at self-discovery, both to help your lover get more in tune with you, but also just to know about yourself. Why not keep a journal? Have a record of sexy things that happened, or something you saw, smelled, or did that turned you on. Write about your date or your partner. Remind yourself how you really feel about them. Recall some really steamy moments you two shared. Finally, get in touch with the power of touch. When they’re complaining about the traffic jam on the way home from work, reach out and show your concern by holding their hand. After a little while squeeze it and run your thumb over the top of their hand. Or offer them a backrub. Doing something nice for your partner can make them feel better and get them in the mood. And from that you’ll likely get in the mood too.

4 Reasons Women Experience a Lower Sexual Desire than Men

4 Reasons Women Experience a Lower Sexual Desire than Men

It probably doesn’t come as a surprise that men are up for sex more than women.  This can cause a problem for couples.  It’s not that a woman doesn’t desire or care about sex.  It can be quite the opposite, actually.  However, women especially care about lovemaking in the context of a committed relationship. An assortment of factors can interrupt positive feelings a woman may have towards experiencing sex. Read on to learn of the four reasons you may not be having sex.


Physiological differences

These differences make it more challenging for a woman to want sex, become aroused during sex, and come to climax.  It has been discovered by researchers that testosterone, which in previous days was considered a ‘male’ hormone, is what powers the male and female sex drives.  On top of that…men have a whopping 10 to 20 times more testosterone than women.  Additional hormonal factors may influence a woman’s fluctuation in sex drive over time.

Psychological reasons

Decreased sex drive can be a symptom that comes along with clinical depression, which women are significantly more likely to experience.  Unfortunately, many antidepressants and other drugs used to treat depression lead to a decrease in libido and even prevent orgasms from being achievable.  Sex is an important part of life, so it may be difficult to understand the benefit of a drug lifting depression, yet dampening a part of the human experience that can be so joyful.  Another factor that may interfere with a woman’s sexual desire is past sexual trauma. Women are more likely to have been sexually abused and, even though they desire to be a pleasing lover, they might be experiencing deep fear and shame.

Body image

Women struggle with body image issues more than men, and this can dramatically affect their feelings about sexuality.  Due to a lot of messages in media (magazines, TV, etc.) that give us unrealistic figures by which to compare our bodies, many women believe their bodies are never ‘perfect’ enough. Some women hear about ‘imperfections’ every day from their significant other, while other women may have very supportive partners who find them sexually attractive, but still despise their own bodies.

Lack of energy

It’s true–men do more housework these days–their share and sometimes more.  Yet, studies show that women are still taking on more housework and childcare, overall, even when they have full-time jobs outside of the home.  Dr. John Gottman, author of the book Why Marriages Succeed or Fail says, “Being the sole person in the marriage to clean the toilet is definitely not an aphrodisiac!”  He has conducted extensive research on married couples and found that happier relationships and better sex lives were linked to couples where men did more housework and taking care of children.  That sure is some research that needs to get into the heads of certain men!

Sexy Games to Rekindle the Spark

Sexy Games to Rekindle the Spark

Does your love life need a little reigniting? Or do you want to surprise your partner with something that will make them run back for more? Why not invest in a sexy game to rekindle the spark or stoke the flames of desire? There are lots of products on the market to try. You can go to a romantic items boutique in your local area. Or you can shop for and purchase items online. Lots of places disguise where you bought it from. So no need of getting embarrassed if someone sees your receipt or credit card statement, and you won’t be tipping off your lover either. Why not pick up a pair of sexy dice? They have kinds for role play and more. Decks of cards are available too. One card game, much like war declares that the loser should remove a piece of clothing, or do delightful little teasing things to their partner. There are lots of risqué board and party games out there to try. Who doesn’t love a game of Twister, a game that got your teenage pulse racing when getting a little close to someone on the mat? Well today they have Twister bed sheets. It comes with two pillow cases, a flat sheet and a fitted sheet. It’s fun to get all twisted up in bed together. Though it’s no longer in production, you can still find it in boutiques and on Ebay.


Darts for foreplay is fun. Those sharp points flying through the air and wondering where they will land will give you a thrill. It’s like a normal dartboard. But instead of points your lover receives commands such as “Rub my neck,” “Kiss my navel” and “Remove your shirt.” These orders get hotter and hotter the closer you get to the bulls eye, as it should be.  Do you remember playing with the Magic 8-ball? Now there is a hot pink dating version. You can shake it and say things like “Does my date want to make out with me?” Squeal when you hear answers like “Absolutely!” or “No Way!” Why not take your sweetie by the hand and head off to Spencer’s, a love boutique or your local mall to scout out what is available? If you want to set up one of your own, why not a sexy scavenger hunt? You can set up clues all over the house. And the prize at the end can be you. Strip poker is an oldie but goodie. Put a new spin on spin the bottle. Or play a board game you already have but add in your own tantalizing twist. Put your imagination to the test.

When couples are out of sync about sex

When couples are out of sync about sex


By Kelly Wallace, CNN

Get a group of married women together and the topic of sex — or more specifically how their partners want it more than they do — invariably comes up.

“Why can’t we be more in sync?” many women wonder. “Why don’t we want to have sex as much as our husbands do?”

Those were just two of the many questions a group of us tackled during a candid conversation about sex recently with therapist Julie Holland, CNN legal analyst Sunny Hostin, Leslie Yazel, executive editor of Cosmopolitan and me.

First, to any woman who feels this way, you are not alone, says Holland, author of “Moody Bitches: The Truth About the Drugs You’re Taking, the Sleep You’re Missing, the Sex You’re Not Having and What’s Really Making You Crazy.”

“Mismatched libidos are the norm,” said Holland, a psychiatrist who has practiced in New York for 20 years.

And it’s not always the men who are wanting it more. Some women desire sex more frequently than their male partners. And same-sex couples grapple with the issue, too.

Holland says since our sex drives are rarely 100% in sync in relationships, we need to be honest with ourselves and our partners about what we want when it comes to sex and when we want it.

“Sometimes you want a gourmet dinner and you want roasted chicken and a potato galette and at other times, you’re OK with nuggets and fries and you’re in a hurry,” she said. “You have to be able to sort of communicate where you are in your (menstrual) cycle because your libido is very much tied into fertility.”

She continued, “If you are not on the pill and you’re a free-range cycling woman, you’re going to be more libidinous when you’re fertile.”

‘Men warm up much more quickly than women’


Transition time, many women say, is also crucial. I’ve had friends joke that they simply can’t go immediately from emptying the dishwasher to sexual encounter, while the same shift is no problem for their husbands.

“Men warm up much more quickly than women do,” said Holland, noting research that shows that a man can orgasm in about four minutes while it may take a woman 20 to 30 minutes to climax during sex.

“So when a man and a woman get together to have sex and the man can easily climax in four or five minutes but the woman takes a half hour, what do you do with that discrepancy?”

Yazel of Cosmopolitian said her magazine’s recent orgasm survey of women 18 to 40 showed that time to get in the mood is critical for many women.

“What we found was that the reason that women couldn’t have orgasms most of the time was that they just reported they just couldn’t get over the edge, and to me that says you didn’t have a transition. You weren’t quite in the mood and so I think that’s the real issue, is sort of making sure that you’re ready to go there.”

Hostin, who’s also a mother of two, said yes, women need more transition time, but her belief is that if your husband wants to have sex, then you have sex with your husband. You don’t turn him down.

“I think you do it and it’s something that I tell my girlfriends because … we also don’t need him to go somewhere else,” she said.

“I think that in a marriage you do a lot of things that you may not be in the mood for. Am I really in the mood to cook tonight? Am I really in the mood to listen to your story about work? … No, and so even if I’m not in the mood, I think that as a friend, as a lover, as a partner, you make sure you get in the mood.”

In her book “Moody Bitches,” Holland jokes that sometimes you just have to have sex with your husband “so he’ll get off your back and you can sleep, like literally.”

Thinking that you love your husband and you are going to do this for him and “it won’t be terrible” is OK, she said.

Resentment: A ‘huge libido killer’

Mood is key, though, said Yazel, who is also a mom of a 4-year-old. It’s one thing to not be in the mood and another to not be feeling any desire whatsoever. “No one should do this if they feel bullied,” she said.

Resentment is a “huge libido killer,” said Holland, a mom of two who is also the author of the best-selling memoir “Weekends at Bellevue.”

It is “the flip side of accommodation,” she said. You go from, ‘” ‘OK I can do it, I can do it,’ and then all of sudden, you’re like, ‘No, I’m not going to do this.’ “

What I’ve heard from many women is that sex feels like another item on the lengthy “to do” list: need to take care of the kids, finish up work assignments, get ready for the morning routine, and, oh yes, also have sex with the husband.

“That’s part of where the resentment comes,” said Holland. ” ‘Oh, I have to do this for you and you’re on my to do list,’ but the truth is it’s also for us.”

There are plenty of “feel good neurochemicals” that will “start to bubble up if you have sex and it will help your mood,” she said. “And orgasms absolutely help your mood and they help relax you and they can help you get to sleep.”

So what’s a woman living in a relationship with mismatched libidos to do?

Besides speaking honestly and openly with your partner and being honest with yourself about what you want and how you really feel, Holland also recommends something else.

“I always tell my patients go ahead and just start to have sex because what you may find, which is really true, is that once you’re cuddling and touching, it gets oxytocin going, you get pheromones. You get testosterone. You start to get horny. If you actually just kind of dive in and go ahead and start kissing and cuddling and caressing, you may discover that you actually are in the mood after all.”

What do you think is the best way to deal with mismatched libidos? Share your thoughts withKelly Wallace on Twitter @kellywallacetv or CNN Parents on Facebook.