Monthly Archives: April 2014

Become an Expert in the Bedroom

Become an Expert in the Bedroom


If you want to be the kind of guy that elicits smiles and second looks, no matter how good you are in the bedroom refining your repertoire and technique is always advised ( Besides, what’s more fun than learning more about sex, and driving your lover wild with some new knowledge or a scintillating new technique? If you want singles approaching you, giving you the eye and wondering with piqued enthusiasm if perhaps you might want to give someone new a try, or you just want to give your special someone a night to whisper and brag to their friends about, here are some ways to become an expert in the bedroom, and leave them begging for more. First, slow down on the porn. There is a controversy stirring as to whether impressions men get from watching porn are hurting their sex life. Another issue is that over-masturbation due to porn may be ruining the mood when you get together with someone offline. So limit your intake. Decide what would be a good level of consumption and stick to it. Next, consider what may happen if you are lucky enough to find yourself in the middle of a threesome. Whether planned or not, most guys focus on the fantasy without any thought to the logistics. You need to please each one and make them feel special. Your goal should be to make sure everyone climaxes at least one time.

Some men suffer from a low sex drive, or trouble maintaining their sex drive when in a long-term relationship. They expect to feel desire often. But the truth is, especially in a long-term relationship, sometimes you need to get the engine running before you can take them out on the road. That requires some effort. Turn your lover on first, or if you aren’t feeling it for a while and you know you should be, find ways to interact with your partner in a sexy way. Relationships change, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a robust sex life. Instead of moping about it, get to work on switching things up, surprising them with something sexy, or just doing things to get you two in the mood. Study up on sex a little. Get some books at the bookstore. Read articles online. Check out the Kama Sutra. Read up on Tantric sex and see if it’s for you. Really important advice, get to work on doing a little manscaping. Hygiene and good grooming are the number one turn-ons. Dress well and look like someone who they’d be attracted to. Wear a little cologne, do not bathe in it. If you’ve got some close male or female friends, talk to them about what they like and don’t like and what technique blew them away. This last one a lot of guys are embarrassed to try, but it will sharpen your game like nothing else can. Read women’s magazines and websites for advice. They read and talk about this stuff all the time.


How To Maintain Optimal Sexual Health

How To Maintain Optimal Sexual Health


The best way to maintain optimal sexual health is to keep the rest of your body healthy. Health issues in other areas of the body affect your sexual health, especially the genital area ( Certainly your age may not have as much to do with it as you think it does. According to assistant professor at the New York University School of Medicine and author, Steven Lamm, M.D., “A 50-year-old man who is healthy is probably performing as well sexually as an out-of-shape 30-year-old who smokes and drinks.” Dr. Lamm has written a book called, The Hardness Factor: How to Achieve Your Best Health and Sexual Fitness at Any Age. If you want to have a healthy and consistent sex life, pay attention to blood flow. Being overweight or eating a poor diet not only is bad for heart health, it’s bad for sexual health as well. In fact it’s a little known rule in medicine that what’s good for the heart is good for the genitals and visa-versa. Remember, too, that not only physical but mental health plays a big role in your bedroom ability. Anxiety, stress and depression can have just as much to do with the ability to have an erection and to sustain it, as well as remaining lubricated, as physical obstacles do.  Drug and alcohol addiction are both libido killers. By enacting a lifestyle that is both physically and emotionally healthy, you should be able to enjoy sex even into your eighth decade of life, and perhaps even beyond.

Abdominal fat is the worst kind of fat for sexual health. It absorbs testosterone, the hormone responsible for sex drive. The penis, for instance, is the proverbial “canary in the coal mine” for cardiovascular health. This is due to the fact that the coronary artery is slightly bigger than the penile artery. If your arteries are hardening or plaque is becoming a problem, it will first affect your erection. Eating a high fruit and vegetable, whole grain and low fat diet with lean meats and healthy proteins is one way to ensure you stay healthy. Also get plenty of exercise.

Aerobic exercise of some type for twenty to thirty minutes three times per week will keep you and your sex life healthy. Exercise increases not only blood flow but nitric oxide, a key ingredient in the formation of erections. Of this Dr. Lamm says, “The healthier a man is, the more nitric oxide he produces, and the harder his erection is.” Don’t smoke, and if you do, quit. Nicotine makes erections softer by restricting blood flow. Not only that, but according to Dr. Lamm, “Smoking just clenches down on your blood vessels and prevents them from being reactive.” If you are a male between 18 and 40 years of age, check your testicles often for testicular cancer. The disease affects 8,000 men per year but can be easily detected as an unusual lump in the testicles. If caught early, treatment is 95% effective. Go easy on the alcohol. More than one glass can affect your erection. Finally, eat fatty fish once or twice per week. The omega-3 fatty acids not only help your heart, they support healthy sexual function as well.

Chlamydial Urethritis

Chlamydial Urethritis

Are you experiencing a painful burning sensation when you go to urinate? Are you have trouble urinating? If you’ve experienced tender or swollen testicles, a discharge from the penis, itching, and swelling or redness at the hole in the tip of the penis, you may be experiencing chlamydial urethritis ( Chlamydia is a very common sexually transmitted infection (STI). Colloquially it is sometimes called “the clap.” The bacteria called Chlamydia trachomatis causes the disease. Chlamydia is passed on from person to person through sexual contact, generally from unprotected sex. This disease often goes hand-in-hand with gonorrhea. The difference is that symptoms will remain even after the treatment for gonorrhea has been administered. Those who have many sexual partners are at the highest risk of contracting these diseases. Chlamydia can often cause the urethra or the tube which exits the penis at the tip (a vessel for semen and urine) to swell. This is called chlamydial urethritis. There are different strains of this bacteria and each causes a different infection. One infects the eyes, another the lungs, another the genitals and still another the lymph nodes. A woman who gives birth to a child and has chlamydia of her cervix may give the child a lung or eye infection, for instance.

There are many tests that can be administered by your healthcare provider in order to determine whether you indeed have chlamydia. A simple urine test, genital fluid testing such as testing the urethral discharge, and something called a polymerase chain reaction (PCR) which is taking a sample from the patent’s penis and sending it to a lab. A culture will be done to determine which microbe is present. Luckily the treatment for chlamydia is merely oral antibiotics. The common types prescribed are Erythromycin, Azithromycin, Tetracyclines and Quinolones. Both or all partners must be treated, even those who do not show symptoms of the disease as each partner will continue to re-infect the other if left untreated. One possible complication that can occur is called strictures or a narrowing of the urethra. Surgery may be required to reverse this issue. If your sexual partner or partners remain untreated or you do not take the medication as prescribed, the infection can return. If you are diagnosed with chlamydia, it’s important to get a screening for HIV, syphilis and other sexual transmitted infections as well. Monogamy is often recommended. Using a condom properly each time and with each partner can prevent the contraction of chlamydia.

This is you on stress

This is you on stress


Editor’s note: Dr. Gail Saltz is a psychiatrist, columnist, bestselling author and television commentator.

( — I was late to work. What if I lose my job? How will I find time to grocery shop? My family is going to starve. Could this headache mean I have cancer?

Even if your head doesn’t spin with these exact worries when it hits the pillow at night, there’s probably something similar whirring through your brain, keeping you up just when you should be powering down.

As a psychiatrist, I see many women who battle with anxieties, and not just at night. They obsess about their children, their marriage, their finances, their job, their parents; about sickness, accidents, disappointments and assorted other upsets that come under the heading Bad Things That Could Happen.

This is the nature of anxiety — an unpleasant emotional experience caused by the unpredictability and uncontrollability of the future and the ways that it could hurt you.

We all experience anxiety. It’s the mental part of fear, which is a biological response to a threat or danger. From an evolutionary perspective, fear is what has helped us humans survive for so long: It impels us to run away or hide if we see, say, a bear approaching.

And if you are in a park known to have many bears, it’s totally normal and logical to feel anxious even if you don’t see one, because this makes you cautious and keeps you from leaving food out at your campsite.

But what if you are at work and you start thinking about a camping trip you might take with your family and grow very worried that you could encounter a bear that might maul you or your kids, resulting in utter tragedy? This is when anxiety no longer serves a useful function and becomes a real problem — when you can’t stop obsessing about the possibility of something terrible happening, no matter how small or remote it is.

Trying to have it all just adds to the anxiety many women feel. I hear frequently from my New York City-area patients that the burden of balancing a healthy relationship and turning out great kids while remaining financially afloat (and looking young and staying fit, of course) leaves them fried and fretting.

A patient I’ll call S.W. came in reporting that she was exhausted from waking up in the middle of the night concerned that she wouldn’t get the next big project at work, her son wouldn’t make the basketball team, her husband wouldn’t get that raise and they wouldn’t be able to afford a down payment on the house she wanted. Then, when she was awake, she felt little jolts of stress all over again. S.W. did not have an anxiety disorder per se but rather a normal, albeit hefty, dose of worry.

It is possible, though, to retrain an anxious brain. I helped S.W. learn how to lower both the frequency and the amplitude of her worry so she could sleep better and be much more productive during the day as a result — and you can learn how, too.

Why we worry

S.W.’s story isn’t unique, nor is the fact that her husband doesn’t tend to fret about this stuff: Believe it or not, it’s partly because of the way women’s brains are wired.

A woman’s limbic cortex — the area responsible for emotional processing — is larger on average than a man’s, leaving more potential space for worry to live. Guys’ brains also tend to produce more of the soothing neurotransmitter serotonin.

Then there’s the psychological impact of society’s expectations for women. While, over the years, husbands have certainly stepped up the domestic duties they perform, women often still feel that they’re responsible for the household. And while men may consider it a job well done if they’ve made an effort, we often stress out if we don’t do every little thing flawlessly — from getting a balanced meal on the table to making sure our kids’ hair is combed — even though perfection isn’t always under our control.

One group of worriers I see growing, in fact, is the smart and successful woman. She’s juggling a lot, and she understands not only how many balls she has in the air but how many can drop. She may also worry about worrying so much, which makes her feel worse.

Think yourself oh-so-calm

This kind of stressing is normal, but it’s not inevitable: There are things you can do to take the wind out of worry’s sails.

First, note that anxiety tends to be future-oriented (What if something happens?) and quickly escalates to the most dire of consequences (Then I’ll be broke, divorced, homeless, dead).

But is there really any evidence for these outcomes? Challenging your fears before they get very far prevents them from blowing out of proportion and keeps new ones from cropping up. Ask yourself, “Is this something that’s about to happen or something that might happen in a faraway, imaginary future? Do I have any control over the outcome?” Try to take steps to manage what you can — finally setting up your 401(k) so you don’t go broke, spending more one-on-one time with your spouse to remind yourself of your solid relationship.

When thoughts pop up about things that you can’t control, whether it’s being laid off or widowed, say to yourself, “That’s just my mind doing its worry shtick again.” Then move on.

You should also take advantage of the mind-body connection. When you perceive danger, adrenaline surges through your body, which causes you to breathe faster and sweat harder. This reaction in the body feeds back to your mind, making you nervous and often leading your brain to invent dire outcomes that are unlikely to occur.

Breaking that cycle can interrupt the worrisome thoughts. To do that, try slow, deep breathing for a few minutes each day or whenever you’re freaking out. Put your hand over your abdomen and breathe in for a count of five, then out for five.

Muscle relaxation also calms the body. Sitting in a quiet place, tighten each muscle group in your body — starting with your feet and working your way up to your head — for a count of five, then release. Or use visual imagery: Picture a beautiful and relaxing place you’ve been to or seen.

The truth is, life will never be worry-free. But if you learn how to wrangle your fears, you’ll feel happier in the here and now, instead of spending your energy trying to detect a bear far, far down the road.

This article originally appeared on

Stop Obsessing Over Finding The Perfect Partner

Stop Obsessing Over Finding The Perfect Partner

Alexandra Sifferlin

When it comes to relationships, we disagree over who makes the ideal mate Evolution tells it straight: Some people make more desirable partners than others. Current theories on mate value go a little like this: People who have it all, including good looks and status, can land a partner who also has it all. The people who don’t, well, they’re going to have to settle.But new research published in theJournal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests what anyone who’s fallen for a pretty face knows: finding the ideal partner for you is much more complicated. In fact, the more we get to know someone, the more our opinion of their desirability changes.

To reach these findings, the researchers at the University of Texas at Austin conducted three studies in which they asked participants to rate a group of people for their perceived value. Some of the factors were basic, like how attractive they are, or how outgoing. Other factors went deeper, with participants ranking whether a person seemed likely to be a good, committed partner.

In the first study, participants rated people they’d never met; in the second study they rated people they’d known for a few months; and in the third study they rated people they had known for at least three years. When people ranked individuals they didn’t know, people tended to agree on who was a catch and who wasn’t—it came down to superficial markers like good looks and likability. But researchers also found that as people got to know each other, perceptions changed and people tended to disagree about who seemed like a good partner and who didn’t.

“[As we spend more time with someone] we stop agreeing on how desirable or undesirable they are,” says study author Dr. Paul W. Eastwick, an assistant professor in the department of human development and family sciences. “We start to have very idiosyncratic opinions of one another.” The findings show that who we ultimately determine to be an ideal mate is unique, and we can greatly differ in our opinions of who is attractive, intelligent, popular, and who would make a good relationship partner.

So when it comes down to it, sure: At “hello,” some people have a leg up on others. But once someone is a known quantity, their desirability isn’t so clear-cut: Attractiveness and social status give way to compatibility and how suitable someone is for an actual relationship. “These findings are a good thing if people don’t care about getting the [conventionally ideal] mate, but care about finding the mate that is good and compatible for them,” says Eastwick.

What Americans Think About Birth Control Coverage

What Americans Think About Birth Control Coverage


Alexandra Sifferlin

69% of surveyed Americans support coverage for birth control

There’s debate over whether all health plans in the United States should be required to cover the cost of birth control. An overwhelming majority of Americans—69%—say yes, according to a breaking survey published in the journal JAMA.

While this suggests the issue is less divisive than previously thought, it’s still a hot-button topic in the courts. In June, the Supreme Court is expected to reach a decision in the Hobby Lobby case, in which the owners of the arts-and-crafts chain, who are Southern Baptists, contend that their right to exercise religious freedom are infringed upon by the Affordable Care Act provision requiring them to guarantee no-cost birth control and emergency contraceptive coverage for their employees.

Although most Americans are in favor of the mandated birth control coverage—77% of women and 64% of men—it was the least agreed upon when compared with other health services under the ACA provision. Coverage of preventive services like mammograms and colonoscopies, vaccinations, mental health care, and dental care all had more support than mandatory contraceptive coverage, according to the JAMA poll. (Birth control coverage has the most support among women, and black and Hispanic respondents.)

The researchers hope their data can be used to inform the ongoing national debate over contraceptive coverage.

Human Papillomavirus (HPV) and Genital Warts

Human Papillomavirus (HPV) and Genital Warts


Have you ever had a wart on your feet or hands? If so, you may have had human papillomavirus (HPV) (Young Men’s Health Site). The sexually transmitted disease version causes genital warts. Few people know this but HPV is the most common form of sexually transmitted infections (STI). There are over 40 different types of HPV that can cause warts that can infect the genitals as well as the throat and the mouth. Since there are so many variations the different types are labeled with numbers. Varieties six thru eleven cause genital warts for instance. There is a rumor that only girls can contract HPV. At least half of sexually active men and women will contract HPV sometime in their lives. 20 million in the U.S. are currently infected.  The most common way to catch HPV is via sexual intercourse. Vaginal and anal intercourse is the most common points of contact. HPV can be curbed via condom use. But HPV can also spread by penetrating skin that a condom doesn’t shield. Symptoms vary. Generally, the main symptom is developing genital warts. Some people never do develop them although they are still a carrier. They can still infect others even if they are unaware that they have the disease.

Genital warts look like tiny little cauliflowers. They can be so small you may not even see them. They can cover the penis, groin, scrotum, anus, thighs, mouth, throat, lips and tongue. There are several treatments available. Visiting your physician is the first step. Since HPV is contagious, treatment may be necessary. The human immune system can handle HPV. Your doctor may tell you to merely wait for them to go away on their own. There is prescription medication as well, and a treatment your doctor can apply in his or her office. Do not use over the counter wart remover, however. These medicines are for different types of warts. You may cause further damage rather than alleviating the issue. Though you may see the warts go away, remember that you still may be carrying HPV in your system. The virus may be eliminated, but it may also hide in your system to spring forth at a later date and bring your symptoms back. You can also be re-infected.

HPV can cause cancer in both women and men. Though the cause is higher for women, it has been known to cause anal and penile cancer. 400 males have contracted penile cancer through HPV and 1,500 have developed anal cancer. 5,600 men have contracted oropharyngeal cancer or cancer of the throat, tonsils and tongue. Abstinence gives 100% protection. Condom use for sexual intercourse and a dental dam for oral sex are the best ways to protect against HPV.

Penile Fracture

Penile Fracture

It was an injury that got famous on the hit TV show Grey’s Anatomy (Scientific American), but the truth is that this condition isn’t uncommon. There are no bones in the penis, so how can it break? A “penile fracture” can occur during sexual intercourse when a membrane called the tunica albuginea rips. This membrane envelops the corpora cavernosa. This is the soft, porous substance that becomes engorged with blood when an erection occurs. If the tunica albuginea rips, blood fills other areas causing swelling and bruising to occur. When a penile fracture occurs, generally it is announced by an unusual popping sound. If great pain occurs followed by swelling, bruising and erection loss, seek out your healthcare service provider.

Generally it happens during regular vaginal intercourse with the woman on top. The man slips out and she comes crashing down upon it, crunching it into the perineum or the area between the vagina and anus. It can occur when aerobatic, dangerous, or risky behavior is incorporated into missionary position as well. Fixing the tear may require surgery. General anesthesia is given and one or more incisions may be performed. The torn area is found and then sewn up with sutures. For a severe tear, up to ten stitches covering the circumference of the penis may be required. Normally tears run clockwise. This is often same day surgery. Sexual intercourse can be resumed once the wound heals. It generally takes about one month.

Without surgery complications can occur. Whether the tunica albuginea is partially torn or ripped completely, internal scarring may occur. Scar tissue buildup can cause erectile dysfunction (ED) or a curvature of the penis that is unhealthy. This is when an erection goes sideways. Some have even been seen to go at a 45 degree angle. Urology department chair at the School of Medicine at the University of Washington in Seattle, Dr. Hunter Wessels, says that when he worked at Harborview Medical Center in the Emerald City he would encounter one or two cases every month. Guys in their 20’s and 30’s are at the highest risk as they take part in far more vigorous sexual activity. Older men in their 40’s and 50’s have sex less often, are more risk averse in the bedroom, and their penis tissue doesn’t get quite as hard. So what happens when the penis is bent but no ripping of the tunica albuginea occurs? A bending of the penis or missing penetration that does not cause tearing should not be a cause for concern. There are, however, men who do suffer bending injuries which could lead to Peyronie’s disease later on. This is a bending of the penis due to scar tissue buildup. This becomes a problem when intercourse becomes painful. But science is still unclear whether one leads to the other.

How Normal is your Penis?

How Normal is your Penis?

No one is better acquainted with your penis than you are, however, lots of guys don’t know what is normal downstairs and what is something that needs to be looked at by a physician (Men’s Health). How normal is your penis? There are lots of common things that guys ignore that could actually be signs of a deeper health issue.

If you have any of these problems see your doctor right away:

  • Have you ever noticed a soft, red patch of skin just below your head on the shaft of your penis? You may think this is just an area that’s a little irritated. Check to see if it’s sensitive or even painful. If you’ve had sex recently and it is tender then it’s probably nothing to worry about. But if it isn’t tender and you haven’t had intercourse, according to urologist Ryan Terlecki, M.D., this may be an early sign of penile cancer. If you catch it early enough, topical treatment or a simple surgery may be all that’s needed. Catch it too late, however, then a portion or perhaps the entire penis will have to be amputated.
  • The next issue is when the skin at the head of your penis feels tight. It’s as if it shrank in the laundry. You may also detect some white spotting in the same place. There may or may not be pain. This is a condition called lichen sclerosis. It’s a certain type of immune system or hormone imbalance. If you’re uncircumcised, this is of special concern. Without treatment, a blockage or even cancer may occur.
  • Most guys have a slight arc to their penis. But, if you’ve noticed it getting more pronounced, if it hurts when you take part in intercourse, and if you have what seems like a dime sized lump somewhere in the shaft, you may have Peyronie’s Disease. Scar tissue builds up and calcifies in the penis. Forgoing treatment could mean painful intercourse and even a broken penis. There are several different treatment options depending on severity, from saline injections and enzymes to surgery.
  • Have you ever noticed blood in your urine when you urinate? This is a serious symptom that could be linked to cancer, kidney stones or an enlarged prostate. But most doctors assume that it’s cancer unless it is ruled out. If you find a spot of blood in your underwear but it isn’t in your urine, check for any other problems that may be occurring. If you have tiny blue or red colored spots on your testicles and these are the source, don’t worry. This is a benign condition called angiokeratomas. However, if they are all congregating in one itchy patch you may have Paget’s disease, a condition that warrants removal.
  • From age fifteen to thirty-five, the most common form of cancer in men is testicular cancer. If you have any hard bumps on your testicles, though they may not be painful, seek out a doctor right away. This is the most common symptom. If caught in time, this cancer is easy to treat. 99% of cases see remission. Examine your testicles to make sure you don’t find any hard lumps or bumps. The best time to do so is after a hot bath or shower.

When is it time to see a Sex Therapist?

When is it time to see a Sex Therapist?


If you are experiencing problems with becoming sexually aroused, the answer may be visiting a therapist rather than making a trip to the doctor’s office ( The journal Cancer recently did a study that found that prostate cancer survivors significantly benefited from sex therapy when coping with erectile dysfunction. Those men who had sessions, be they online or in person, with a sex therapist for twelve weeks saw tremendous results both in the areas of sexual function and overall satisfaction. Those who didn’t seek sex therapy didn’t have any improvement in these areas. Sex therapy isn’t only for men in remission. Before ED drugs like Viagra and Cialis were made available, sex therapy was all the rage. According to research scientist at Indiana University, Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., “Sex therapy involves meeting with a trained counselor to talk about your sex life, so the therapist can offer information and at-home exercises to help with the problem. Sex is such a taboo topic—most people don’t know much about sexual difficulties, or what’s normal and what’s not. Sharing this information in a session can be life-changing for people.”

So when is it time to see a sex therapist? Whenever you have painful sex, low desire, problems acquiring and sustaining an erection, or some other such problem, a sex therapist can offer insight, advice, and strategies to turn your sex life around. If you are having trouble achieving or maintaining an erection or if you have an ejaculation problem that lasts for more than two weeks you may have a deeper, underlying issue that could be either physiological or psychological that a sex therapist can help you with. Also, if your sexual issue is causing problems in your relationship, it is certainly time to call the sex therapist. Problems in a relationship can cause sexual issues. A sex therapist can help you to alleviate those problems and give you strategies on how to mitigate the issues and get you through this difficult time.

If you feel ashamed or guilty about any part of your sexuality, talking to a professional can help sort it out. If for one reason or another your sex is painful, a therapist can offer advice on alternative positions to minimize the problem and maximize the enjoyment. If anxiety or insecurity is at fault, the sex therapist can offer advice on relaxation techniques. Think about your issue and determine whether or not it is appropriate to seek out a sex therapist. But if it is, don’t hesitate. Your sex life should be as deeply satisfying as you can make it. Why not seek out professional advice and make it the best it can be?